Probably this post would sound like I'm complaining my shits out. But actually, I'm not. It's just the after effect of cooping myself in the house all day long, though I did spent watching 2 short animes finish. :)
Firstly, the sms that woke me up, sent me crashing to reality. I'm happy and sad about it. I'm happy for getting the reply but I'm sad because, it's like the end of our interaction until don't know when. Time and time again, I need to tell myself to don't expect much. If you have lower expectation, you'll get lower disappointment. But yet, I'm still wishing and hoping for more. Silly fool!
Speaking of disappointment, I do feel a tad bit disappointed over how things have been going for the past months. I think it's a chain effect. People's lives changed, my life affected too. How I wish is the other way round. The thing about me is... when the people's life has started to change, I won't bother to interrupt anymore. You seem happy with the change, I'll just leave you alone. BUT, deep down I'm hoping, with all the changes that are happening, you won't forget me at all.
Trying to be optimistic when the real fact is... I'm starting to feel forgotten. Oh well.. my role HAS always been...THE CONFIDANTE. Supporter said I should be lucky to be bestowed with that kind of role. Well, in fact it does show my importance somehow or rather. Yeap, I'm the one picking the shits after all the changes are starting to or already turned gray.
I'm not complaining that being a confidante is a bad thing. IT IS GOOD. It just shows how much people trust me to share their problems and secrets. I've always honoured my word. If it's a secret, it shall remain a secret. And I guess that's why people feel comfortable talking to me. BUT, I just wish I won't just be a confidante. Why do I only get to share the sad times but not the happy times too? Oh yeah.. I know why... happy times never include me. That's why.
I'm whining, aren't I? Alright, I should stop. I think I've got many principles that made me feel stringent. Hope this makes sense. Like, if I'm out with my good friends, I don't expect we have a time limit to spend the day together. Especially when I don't see them often or get to do things together that much. I really don't want to restrict our time spent like in an appointment slot. But... on the other hand, if we don't spend any quality time together at all, I'll be sad too. That's why, it makes me feel stringent. I think I got issues. LOL!
You know what I like? Sitting at Starbucks with my good friends and just hang out. Or just walking around the mall or involving in activities together. Without caring any boyfriends or girlfriends they left behind and just talk shits and laugh lots. What matters most, the time we spent together at that moment. We got to catch up and do silly things together. And we don't just do that every time a blue moon appears but.... preferable, every week.
But, this kind of wish is futile. With everyone's schedule, it will never come true. These are just my rants. The after effect of spending too much time in the house. Maybe I should start writing my children's book rather than putting myself into this kind of shit. LOL!
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