Boiling Moment Despite Being Unwell

I've been quite unwell lately. I think it could be lethargic. However, funny thing is... it comes and goes. Sometimes I feel so weak, feeling like feverish, having cloudy mind and can't really think straight. Other times, I feel quite OK although a bit tired.

The worst thing that happened during my "weak moment" was... I lost control, lost patient and you can say, quite down. But, I wasn't angry or irritated with anything. Just, I lost control of my words as my mind not working properly and I may say something that doesn't feel nice or in short sentences only. I was weak, what do you expect?

However, some person doesn't seem to understand that. Asking me why am I moody. I told that person why BUT the person doesn't seem to be concern about it. Instead, can joke with me. Seriously, I'm not well, which part of the sentence that's so hard to understand??!! Instead of asking, "are you OK?", can make a joke out of it. Have I ever done that to that person when the person is sick? NO! I was concern, checking whether the person is OK and resting well or not.

Seriously, I really feel that when want something from me, can be so terribly nice to me. But when I was so unwell, it feels like it doesn't concern the person at all. I think if I landed in the hospital or if I'm dead, also the person won't bloody care. Then, don't bloody ask me what happen to me if do not care at all. The stab of the heart was... the person said "I'm always like that." Yeah... If I ever do that to the person, I GUARANTEE the person will question me greatly why am I being like that.

It feels like... the person do is OK but when I do it, IT'S NOT OK! I'm also a person, which part of it that's difficult to understand. I can't always be cheerful. I also need someone to cheer me up. And when I'm not well, can't show a little concern? At least, say.. "have a good rest" or "take care" is good enough. This feels like... " you're not well, SO????" Yeah, the topic will always be the person but can't be me at all. Who am I? A piece of dirt?

Yes, I'm seriously f**king mad because the insensitivity is beyond words! I also don't know why I f**king care. Oh ya... because I got soft heart. Oh wait... that person also said got soft heart. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT! Don't push me to do what I don't want to do. If push till that extend, then it is the person's loss for not knowing how to appreciate and care. For now, I still can be patient, PROBABLY...

P/S: Yes, this a rant for me to let it out. So what?