The Problem With Anger

Would you believe me if I say I have anger issues? Yes, most of the time I can be damn relax, happy-go-lucky feeling but when my anger strikes, is like all hell breaks loose. Probably some don't know that when I'm so pissed off I feel like throwing things (and it happened before). The anger just kept on building up until I feel I need to release it out and throwing things seems to suit my situation. I know it's bad that's why I've all along tried to control my temper whenever I felt the anger is coming. You can call this episode as "almost to detonation". And today, I felt it.

I was angry because a promise wasn't fulfilled which is not something new actually. I even told myself, don't expect it to happen. But, even though I told myself that, I still look forward to it. Stupid, I know. So, when it REALLY didn't happen, the anger just strike up. Of course I felt like yelling, demanding for explanation but I didn't do that as I was still in control. I got my explanation and apology but I felt the "sorry" that was given far too many times doesn't help ease the anger anymore. The first few times, yes, I was considerate but after too often, the word is just a meaningless word that won't make things better. Seriously, I don't want the apology. It will make things way, way better if... the promise was fulfilled eventually, no matter when.

I guess half of the anger was also towards myself. Felt angry because I was too stupid to ever believe it. When will I ever learn, seriously? So yeah, the anger didn't subside after few hours. I really felt like detonating. I seriously hate this feeling. I hate when my anger kept on building up as it will bring back all the negative emotions. I hate it so much but yet people will still make me pissed off. I'm not so easily pissed but why would people push me till that stage? I'm afraid one day my anger will overwhelm me. Hoping that the time won't come. If only people will uphold their promises.

Anyway, after going out to get some "fresh air", I felt much better but still... a tiny bit of anger is still there. But at least I don't feel like detonating! Too much of disappointment is seriously, NOT HEALTHY! Sigh... when will I ever get over my stupidity? *shrugs*