Story of a missironic

Jang Geun Suk Rocks!!!

2011-06-11T15:55:00.020+08:00

I'm going to gush like some teenager despite my age but I just don't care! Jang Geun Suk is so so so so so so so awesome!!!! I worship the land he walks on! LOL! Over exaggerated?

The A.N.Jell-ic Jang Geun Suk!

Alright, as everyone knows I'm really a BIG fan of the Korean entertainment scene. Been following it like a cult member for about 9 years and my adoration for it just grew. The throngs of Korean celebrities that I admire just kept on increasing and the latest to add on to my list is this multi-talented Jang Geun Suk!

First caught him in the drama You're Beautiful where I was at first quite reluctant to watch it but, boy I'm so so so so glad I did. If not I will not discover this gem that's been hidden from my radar! His acting just blew me off, not to mention his good looks! He rocked the guyliner like no other! I can't think of any guy who looks REALLY good with the guyliner EXCEPT him. And in the drama, he totally owned the character! That shows how good is his acting skills. And that doesn't just stop there. Wait for it... HE SINGS TOO!!! His has this this deep, rich voice that can swallow me into his world once he starts singing. A guy who can act and sing, and is also really good looking? I'm TOTALLY SOLD!!

How cute can he be??? (pic courtesy of Rhythmland)

After I finished marathon-ing the drama, I had a Hwang Tae Kyung (his character in the drama) withdrawal syndrome. And I began my search to know more of Jang Geun Suk. I learnt that he can speak good basic English as he once studied in New Zealand for a short period of time and he can dance! Another add on to his talents. Also, initially the role of Gu Jun Pyo from Boys Over Flowers which propelled Lee Min Ho's stardom was at first offered to Jang Geun Suk! He was the first choice for that role but he turned it down to take on a much challenging role in another drama called Beethoven Virus. I've watched that drama and boy, did he proved how good his acting was. Kudos to him for wanting to keep on improving and challenging his acting skills. But at times, I do wonder how he will play the role of Gu Jun Pyo differently.

After my various search on him I realised that what made Jang Geun Suk really shine and much loved is he always exudes this honest, genuine and sincere personality. You can see from his dramas, movies, singing, showcases and live performances that he enthusiastically puts his best in delivering the best to his audience and fans. And you can see he truly enjoys what he does. And most of all, he is very appreciative towards his fans. He knows that because of his fans, he is able to stand on the stage, to be an influential star today.

So, when I heard Jang Geun Suk is on his Asian tour and one of the stops is Malaysia (thanks to my friend who informed me), I jumped with excitement wanting to catch him in action! Initially I only knew about the stop in Singapore and was considering to go to that one but because of the clash with my work schedule, I missed the chance. BUT, guess it is fated after all as my friend told me that he is coming to Malaysia! It is actually not really a concert as it is in much smaller scale. It was more of a fan meeting gathering that he specially dedicated to his fans in Asia.

On 4 June 2011, I caught my favourite idol Jang Geun Suk performed on stage LIVE and he is REAL GOOD! His singing is equally as good as what I hear in the recorded songs. That deep, rich voice really swallowed me on that night! And as he has good basic English, that made us feel much closer to him as he spoke to us. On stage he had this dynamism as he performed and entertained us. He was like a Duracell rabbit, full with energy and enthusiasm. What caught me totally off-guard was towards the end of the show. He showed another side of him that I briefly only knew. He introduced to us Lounge H's music. I read this before where in the university that he is studying there was once he was helping out with the school festival by organising a show with a group of friends. This show was called Lounge H - an all-night party with electronic music that he and his friends produced. And on that night, he brought Lounge H to us.

He can totally rap and DJ as well!!! And you can see he's one heck of a guy to bring to party with. At that point of time, I told myself I SO WANT TO PARTY WITH JANG GEUN SUK!!! It'll be THE MOST AWESOME PARTY, EVER!!! I totally, totally love the electronic music that Team H (him and his buddy, Big Brother) span and sang. Can't wait to get hold of their album which Big Brother promised, it'll be soon!

So, did I enjoy myself that night? YES!!! He is such an awesome performer and entertainer! Did my adoration and admiration for Jang Geun Suk grew by leaps and bounds after that night? YES!!! Is he as good looking in person as he is in the drama? YES!!! Does he exudes that genuine, sincere and honest personality that night? YES!!! He actually teared when he was giving his monologue. As this is his first time to Malaysia, he said it started of as a small show but it became a big one because of us, fans! It reminded him of his first fan meeting in Japan. He said he is big in Asia because of us! Now he knows why he can never get any rest and till he dies, he'll never stop!

Well, we weren't allow to take any photo or video during the show, unfortunately. But, can catch the full review here, here and here. and photos from here.

Jang Geun Suk, I'll always continue to support you!! And OK, I'm an EEL (he calls his fans "eels" because he loves to eat eel [unagi] very much and the word eel in Korean sounds like the korean words, 'belongs to Jang'). Hope to see you again, Jang Geun Suk. Cri, cri, cri!! OK, another info... he uses and names his show Cri because he likes the English word "critical" and he wants to show his critical side in everything he does (alright, something along this line la!). I think something like how I like the word "irony" and applied it to my nickname - missironic. :)

Goodbye-cri! For now. Till we meet again! :D

Back Again!

2011-04-30T16:51:00.006+08:00

It would seem like I've abandoned my blog for quite some time now. Not to say that my life has been so mundane that nothing interesting has happened. Instead, it's the opposite!

Firstly, I've stepped put in the country that was in my list of top countries to visit. It was in fact ranked No. 1! And amazingly, I was given the opportunity to visit it last month! Japan was everything and more that I imagine it to be. Well, actually more like Tokyo was everything and more that I imagine it to be as I only visited that capital city. For the first time, I was sent to Tokyo for a business trip. What joy it brought to know that I am to step foot in the country that I've always longed to visit but couldn't because of money.

I had such a good time in Tokyo that I still miss it until today. The place is amazing as well as the people. They are so courteous, friendly and polite, really put Malaysians to shame. No kidding! And for once that I travel to a country that I actually felt so safe! Although I didn't manage to visit the popular places in Tokyo, at least I got to try their food, weather and talking to the Japanese, and trying to understand what they were talking with my very few learned Japanese words. Got to know how far I've learned from watching those animes and Japanese dramas! lol..

Language can certainly be a barrier, but you can see how these Japanese tried their best to let us understand what they want to tell us. Seeing them making that kind of effort, really made me respect them even more. Oh, and I love their vending machine so much! And the toilets! They were always clean, and the seats were always warm - well in the shopping mall that is, where you can find the toilet seats are warm. But, their toilets are really clean. Even if you pass by a public toilet, you wouldn't know that it's a toilet because there's no smell at all!! Unlike in Malaysia, from far also you can smell what you call... toilet smell!

The Japanese really take everything into consideration where they try to create things that can give much more convenience to the people. For example, you can actually play music while you are doing your business in the toilet. You know how embarrassing it is when you are "bombing" in the toilet and those who are near your cubicle will instantly know that you are doing a BIG business. So, why not camouflage that sound with music! So clever of them!

One of the other things that made me won't forget Tokyo is when... I actually experienced one of the worst earthquakes happened in Japan. It was our last day of the exhibition and we were all at the booth, when I felt the tremor which we initially thought it was mild one, as previous days there were tremors as well but they weren't so bad. However, on that day, it was so bad that the roofs began to clatter, and we can see things are shaking violently. That's where we quickly took our important belongings and ran for safety! While we were running, we saw that all the Japanese remained so calm. They can actually queued up at the public phones and convenience stores. We felt very odd as why they were doing so. Then, we realised that actually all the mobile network were down and the only way to make calls was through LAN line. And because of the tremors and all, some roads were closed and the trains were also stopped, thus, they are stranded and need food to accompany them through the night.

The way the Japanese handled the emergency situation was another amazing thing. They were very efficient. The hotel staff also were very helpful to accommodate us what they can provide. And the rest of the people were so calm, considerate and helpful. There were no panic buying or people shouting here and there. They dutifully lined up to buy things and find a spot at the side to camp the night. Even on the road you can't hear any honking sound at all. It was so silent! With that, I admire them even more! Although a major disaster just happened, and possibly tsunami will come too, they are still civilised to each other. I truly and utterly respect them!

It was a long journey home for us that time. We had to camp at the cold lobby because we were too afraid to stay in the hotel room. We felt aftershock every 30 minutes. And because the Japanese government informed the hotels that they can't activate the elevators unless the maintenance people come and check and ensure that the elevators have no problem, we had to take the stairs all the way up to our room. Really a tiring climb and I think I maximised my stairs climbing quota. lol! Then, because of the major traffic jam, it took us 10 hours to get to Narita Airport area. Although it was a long trip to the airport, the taxi drivers didn't complain or say anything bad at all. They silently drove us all the way, taking the old roads. Boy, did I really see Tokyo suburbs or not! What I usually see on those Japanese dramas, I really see them in life at that time! Another amazing thing!

I definitely experienced the good and bad in Tokyo, and despite all the ordeal, I STILL WANT TO GO BACK TO JAPAN!! Definitely! I really love the country so much, and if can... I even want to work there! Tokyo, you are so awesome and I hope Japan will survived from the natural disasters that kept on hitting on them. Ganbattei Nihon-desu!

There are 2 more countries that I've visited during the month of March and April which are Hong Kong and Singapore. There's nothing much to say about Hong Kong as I weren't able to visit much during the trip. Yes, it's also another business trip, same as the Singapore one as well. I managed to visit the Avenue of Stars in Hong Kong though. I guess that is the highlight for that trip. And for Singapore, well... nothing much going on there besides work and meeting my old school friends. The most awesome trip was still the Tokyo one! :D

Alright back to my life now. Some things have certainly changed. Especially with the person whom I've poured my heart and soul to, and helped a lot for years. We became so distant today. Now as I think back, it is certainly regretful that things have to change to this way today. What went wrong? Is it me, for trying to stay distant away? Or is it the other party who just chose not to care about me anymore? The one question that I want to ask badly is... "Am I still as important to you as before?". But I just couldn't find the right moment to ask that "million-dollar" question. If only I can turn back the clock, I would choose not to get close in the first place. Knowing how I would feel today and be treated like an outcast from the person as well as the group... I would have chosen to stay away. To create that barrier between us so that I wouldn't need to reflect back and be hurt like today. If only there is such thing as turning back the time.

But anyway, for now, these are basically the things that I want to log into my blog. At least one loooooong post for the month of April! :D

P/S: As I didn't proof read to check for grammar and spelling mistakes, please excuse when you see those mistakes in this post! :D

My Rant, My Business!

2011-02-06T13:54:00.004+08:00

This is my rant so please excuse the vulgarity. I'm still so fucking boiling now. I don't know how to put out this fire. Seriously some people can just throw you one side just because you are no longer useful to them. What the fuck is that???? Showing true colours is it? All the years spent are for fucks is it? At the beginning were so nice and caring but after that when I am no longer as "precious" anymore, adios senorita to me! What the fuck is that!!!! I am someone with feelings, don't they know that?????? I guess IN THEIR THICK BRAINS THEY NEVER THINK OF THAT!!

Fucking adults already and yet do this kind of fucking shit. And to think I know them for so long. Guess the years known are really for fucks!!! I seriously, seriously regretted for helping some of them. I am really dumb to the bones! Because of these bunch of thick heads, my Chinese New Year is particularly kind of ruin especially when I'm so boiling daily!!! Thanks a lot!!! You guys are SO FUCKING CHAMPIONS!!! Thanks for screwing up my Chinese New Year!

YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING IRREPLACEABLE AS I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE THAT CAN RUIN MY DAYS LIKE THIS!!! *THUMBS UP OLD FELLOWS*

A "Great" New Year

2011-02-04T16:16:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you just can't look forward to something so happily. When the day comes, it will just go the opposite. And now I'm totally experiencing it. I was so looking forward to Chinese New Year as it will be the day I get to meet up with good old friends. But guess what, this time around I felt I'm being alienated from a certain group of friends. So incredibly great. Guess my power of existence is getting lesser and lesser. If one day I can just be obsolete from the group, I'm not surprise. Thanks guys for making me feel this way. Truly "appreciate" it. And for those whom I've put my heart and soul in to help them, thanks for such treatment as well. You guys "rock"!

Maybe now is the time for me to not try to get closer to them anymore. It's so sad to know how I am being alienated and treated like some by-the-way person. Seriously, for all the years that we hung out, and I got such treatment. Kind of pissed off actually. This anger is just welling up. And on a Chinese New Year. Wow! Nicely done! Cheers to that.

I don't know how my Chinese New Year will continue to pass after this. Will it be better or worse? I got a feeling going to be worse. Sigh! Happy Chinese New Year, nevertheless...

Dot.Dot.Dot

2011-01-20T20:28:00.003+08:00

Nowadays I'm feeling a bit lost. I don't know what I want but I know what I don't want. They say the world is your oyster, but how am I to find my pearl in this big world. I'm just an average girl with average skills. I realised that there will always be someone who's much better than me who will far surpass me. With that, I decided to forgo the one thing that I've been interested in since young. A friend told me that it will be wasted as I've put in my effort to build my skills but I figured how talented or good am I, I'm just not good enough. Maybe I'm someone who's not destine to excel in this field. Well, at least I tried. :)

It now feels like I'm being at a crossroad, deciding which better route for me to head to. I want to pursue something that I have passion in where I know I will be able to put my heart and soul in. But what is that one thing that will suit me? That is the question that is lingering in my mind now. Where will I next be?

To A Better Year Ahead!

2011-01-04T21:41:00.002+08:00

Happy 2011! A new year has dawned on us again. Well, I feel 2011 will be a changing year for me. There are 2 things that I want to change. One of them has been haunting me for years that I feel it is time to let go. It's no use to hang on to something that doesn't seem to benefit you at all, instead is hurting you more and more. It definitely will be a challenging task but I just got to do it. The years that I've poured my soul and heart out, they actually seem worthless now. So worthless that I felt the regret. Maybe in the first place I shouldn't have been so selfless. I guess this is a lesson to learn.

The next change that I'm seeking is actually to better myself. To explore other fields that may grant me more success. I'm still thinking which direction should I head, and hopefully I'll be able to land on the greener grass. Let's hope everything will fall into place as planned.

I'm actually really looking forward to a better year ahead. I really really want to achieve more and find my own happiness. I've been helping other people with their own happiness that I don't know where is mine. Isn't it time for me to have my own happiness? I just hope my positive outlook this time will not disappoint me. I've been disappointed for too many times. Well, cheers to a better year ahead! :D

The You Who I Still Forgive

2010-11-09T00:54:00.007+08:00

You break your promises all the time.

You sometimes treat me like a stranger.

You don't know how to appreciate what's in front of you.

You always side-step me.

You only comes to me when you need me.

You always ignore the problems and can never face them.

You don't know how to care at all, or maybe it's just towards me.

You always, always made me feel so insignificant.

You just change how things were as you like.

You once confided me in everything but now... I don't know where I stand anymore.

You made me feel devastated, many many times.

You always control how things are and it can never go my way.

You can never be considerate towards me.

You never really listen and be understanding to what I say.

You are a selfish person who only wants me to be concern to you only.

You can treat others so nice, but you can never treat me with that same treatment.

You were the one who chose to be close to me, but today... you are also the one who choose to be distant from me.

You made me such a big fool for making you so important, for many years.

After all that, I'm still being patient, waiting for miracle to come. Isn't that a foolish thing to do?

I wish I can just give you a big slap in the face and force you to tell me what you want from me. I wish you can really see how disappointed you are getting to me. I wish... I wish I never had gotten so close to you. For the first time, I really feel... the regret. You are suffocating me. And I don't know how else to make you understand that and for once be considerate towards me. I really, really want to take a bucket of water to splash on you to tell you to WAKE UP and look at what you've done!! And thanks to you, I experience more bitterness than ever. A job well done!

Not To Be Forgotten

2010-11-08T02:17:00.004+08:00

How times really changed. I still remember the time where my existence was much more prominent. But today, I became so dim that I don't know where I stand anymore. How did it become such way? Can we just go back to before? Where I know I'm always needed. Please? I don't want to be put aside. And I don't want to grow this sadness in me. Can we turn back the time? I wouldn't want to be forgotten. Please!

To You Who Devastates Me!

2010-10-17T02:39:00.003+08:00

Dear YOU,

Why are you reacting that way is really beyond me. But what I know is that you making me devastated! I just couldn't believe that initially I was disappointed at you but now turns out, you are acting weirdly with me. And what's worst, you are like distancing from me. I just don't get you at all. If you don't like something, tell it to my face. Don't you not picking up calls or even to the extend asking me not to worry in the future. Come on! I'm no stranger to YOU! You don't need to treat me that way. Hence, I am devastated now and all THANKS TO YOU! And right now, I need to leave you alone and mend my own wounds. Are you happy now? Do you like that? And again, I've proven myself that I'm such a foolish person. Just great!

How Can Be As Such?!

2010-10-11T18:43:00.003+08:00

How one can be so inconsiderate and with no decency at all??? Seriously?? When need something from me, I'm always there to lend the hand at anytime and anywhere - by hook or by crook. But when I need something, is another story altogether. It's like I'm always giving and giving but never receive. I don't need such treatment at all! Come on!!

I can't always be the nice person. I need someone to be nice to me too. I need someone who I know I can count on at anytime, anywhere. Is it so hard???? To other people, it seems so easy but to me... it's like FUCKING hard. I don't understand this! Being nice is a fault is it now?

Get a grip, come on!!! Before I start cursing the ass out and start hating! I don't want to go down that road so DON'T MAKE ME!

P/S: I'm venting my anger here. After venting I'll be OK. If the issue is solved, the more OK I'll be!

Thank You

2010-09-19T23:38:00.003+08:00

I will always remember the time well-spent. They are real short (when will they ever be long?), but I will appreciate them no matter what. Thank you for giving me these memories. At one point I felt like there is a glint of hope but I'm not too sure whether that is the case. If it is, please let me experience the joy and happiness that I've never been through before. Will it ever be materialised?

The Need To Punch!

2010-09-16T00:35:00.001+08:00

I.am.so.pissed.I.wish.I.can.just.punch.the.source!!

Sanity Vs Insanity

2010-09-09T22:50:00.006+08:00

The evil monster is back! And I hate that feeling. Everything has come back now. Completely everything. The calm and control self that I've tried to work it out to give myself peace has crumbled down. I've reverted to how I was. The insecurity in me is building up rapidly.

I hate this feeling. I don't want to become a somebody with such ill feeling. Why can't I completely escape from it? It's the desire that I have so badly that is turning me to insanity. Happiness... It's really so difficult to find, isn't it? This kind of happiness that I've never felt even once, is making me reaching desperately for it. Why can't things be easy? Why need it to be so difficult?

I believe it's fate that I am in this situation, but why is there a barrier to where I want it to move? Has fate lost its track? Why can't I continue to move on further, to pursue a better happiness? Or fate is telling me that this is not meant to be? I just need answers. I need facts. Tell it to my face that this is NOT meant to be. Then I can wake up from this insanity. Or else, it'll drive me crazy... again!

Emotional imbalance is something that I don't intend to go through again. The monster is back. What else do I need to come back again? Please, just tell me the answer straight so that I won't need to go through such turmoil again. At the moment, I don't see the beauty in life although I know I should appreciate what has fallen upon me. But how can I continue to appreciate that when fucked up emotions kept on popping up. Emotions that can change the whatever positivity there is into complete darkness. So dark, I just want to drown myself somewhere.

So fate, if there is any mercy. Guide me out of this insanity. This CAN'T be happening again. Please! Now I really sound like a cuckoo person. Gosh!

The Explosion Of Emotions...

2010-09-01T23:22:00.003+08:00

I feel like my heart can just explode any minute now! This rush of emotions just gushing back in me, made me happy and yet afraid. Happy to revisit the moments that had happened but afraid of yet being fooled into believing that there is something there. I should know that what I'm hoping for is just false hope. Something that I've been building in my mind and kept on wishing that it will come true.

I've yet to give up. I tried and tried but still... I'm not moving on. I kept on telling myself that I don't want to go through all that again. It's living hell but yet... this explosion just makes me happy. Giving me this short-lived happiness and hope that perhaps, what I've been waiting for will come true.

How am I to stop my heart from exploding? How am I to stop this rush of feelings, before they betray me and reveal to me the real deal? How am I to completely forget? What do I do?

What's Next Now?

2010-08-31T03:55:00.004+08:00

Nowadays my faith towards what God has planned out for me are getting much stronger. I feel He is watching over me, and I need to be patient to see what is installed for me. All along I thought if I just let things fall into place, somehow I'll get to see the bigger picture that He is painting for me.

Today, a meeting made me think what kind of picture is He showing to me. I don't know how to react towards this meeting. I thought I've overcome all my emotions but it seems there is still the tiny old emotions that are waiting to pop up again. At this point, I would like to ask Him, what is my next move?

I can't stop being hopeful because no matter how ugly things are, somehow I felt the silver lining in there. I still think that things can turn my way. I still feel that somehow, somewhere... I can be of worthy. But this can only be wishful thinking, right? I really don't want to go through such a turmoil again.

Looking back and seeing how things have changed, somehow it saddens me. I don't know how to put things back to how they were because the change doesn't come from me. It came from the other party. And probably that party doesn't feel anything about what's happening. I am trying to prove something out to the party but until today, there doesn't seem to be any feedback. This made me to question myself, can things be saved? Or do I just give up right here, right now.

So, I really would like Him to show me what am I to do now. What do I need to do to salvage myself? To give me the calm and peaceful life that I'm seeking right now. I don't want to fall into the deep pit again. I hope He can help me to make things easier and happier. Is it possible?

On the side note, I had fun today! Fun that I've long time haven't experience. But the fun just had to stop here. Happy moments are really short-lived, aren't they?

The Day I Turned Wiser...

2010-08-16T23:06:00.005+08:00

I've turned another year older! This year my excitement has gone even much lower. Not too sure whether is the age or what. LoL! This year's celebration also seem to have been lesser than previous. Close friends get together over Korean dinner on the eve of my birthday. We ate until we want to burst! Then the boss of the restaurant gave us each a cup of soju and ice-cream on the house because of my birthday! So nice of the boss. I only drank 2 sips of soju and pass on~~~ Allergic! :P

My friend created a theme for me this year. To relive my sweet 16 again! How sweet!! I received a small bouquet of flowers! It's really nice and not always I receive flowers. I love it! Very lovely! And my birthday cake seemed to be a hit among friends too. It's a barbie doll cake! And it stole my limelight! Hahaha... But it's so cute!! *thumbs up*

Then, as usual celebration in the office as my colleague and I share the same birthday. This year we got 2 cakes! Each person one. Fairness! :D

Because of Facebook (FB), my phone has been quite quiet. Almost everyone seem to wish me on FB! What happen to much more personalise wishes? Guess FB has taken over the SMS/call! Hahaha.. Anyway, appreciate all the wishes!

Thank my friends who celebrated with me and those who wished me. You guys rock! How do I feel this year? Nothing much. Age is just a number! :D And you know what, I didn't really make a birthday wish. :P Cheers to another year!

Yet Another One Again...

2010-08-06T00:04:00.004+08:00

Here I am again, ranting away all the disappointments and rage that I am constantly feeling. Today I was actually feeling much happier. I was smiling more, having a carefree feeling until I saw the source that used to make me happy but now, has become the source for making me bitter. How fast things change. That's life, probably?

I guess what angers me was, I've been doing things for years that I don't usually do and when things started to change for the worst on my side, I felt I've been doing all those things for nothing. Isn't it when you treat people good, people will appreciate and remember you more? But how come what I want, turns out to be someone else's gain? That I don't understand.

I'm questioning myself, have I chosen the wrong person to be good to? Have my judgment been wrong all this while? Then what am I going to do now? Is like what do you do when your investment turns out to be not a good return. Do you throw away what you've been investing and start anew? Or do you still keep on investing, hoping that it will somehow change to your benefit.

Looking at how things are going daily, my investment hasn't shown any sign of changing for the better. In fact, it looks like I'm soon going to lose it gradually and whatever I've thrown in before will just be flushed down the drain. And because of that, I'm constantly angry. And I think because of that, I had a freakish nightmare that put me in fear when I woke up. How long can this continue?

Everything happens for a reason, they say. I wonder what reason do I need to learn from this. Knowing how to control my anger? Making me be a much, much more patient person? Maybe the lesson I'll learn after all this is to hate. I'm hoping that it won't be that way, so whoever has the power to change things, please turn this situation better! Before I start to go mad!

If Only Things Be Simpler...

2010-08-03T22:39:00.004+08:00

You know how bad it is to you but yet you can't stay away from it. What do you do then? It's like a poison each time you take it, but when you don't have it, you felt you are missing its sweetness. It's such a confusing state.

It is so amusing to know that years ago, your existence was so strong but as the years gone by, you just don't shine as much as you used to. What happen? Did you get replaced? After you've been put to be so important, you are now left at the sideline. And that's where you know, you've taken the poison. The poison that was once so sweet but now kills you deeply. And what's even funnier... you know it's deadly and yet you still yearn for it. A fool you say? Couldn't get any worst.

Getting stuck in a situation where you are so hopeless in not knowing what to do just make things more confusing. Staying away is easier said than done. How much you want to forget of ever tasting that sweetness, you still can't completely get it out of your system. You know you can't go back to being the old self. But what is the new self without losing a hint of you? What is the right thing to do? What is the perfect way to not getting pissed each time the sweetness reminds you of being poisonous?

Once upon a time, you felt everything that you've done is worth it. But today, you gradually wonder whether if it's actually really worth it? Does being a fool will be rewarded? Does doing all the good things ever get a better return? You tend to think, what's your worth at the end of the day.

Why is it so hard for someone to understand you. Why is it so hard for someone to just be good to you? Why must that someone ever need to give you the sweetness when after that it all turn into bitterness. So seriously, why that someone need to make life more confusing for you?

At the end of the day, you get pissed but yet, you can't cut all ties. Suck isn't it? Where is the silver lining when you need one? You wonder...

Jang Geun Suk hearts

2010-07-16T13:35:00.020+08:00

I'm very grateful for my current obsession. Because of him, things become easier to go through. He helped to occupy my mind at all times! But I'm not sure how long this will last.

Sometimes, I'll experience major withdrawal syndrom and total major crush after I watched a certain drama series. Mostly happens when I watch Korean dramas. I don't know how but I can just totally get suck into the character and the actor himself! And it happened to me NOW. Just after watching this drama entitled, You're Beautiful which initially, I wasn't too keen about it. But after few episodes, I'm totally hooked on it and when I finished all the episodes, major withdrawal syndrom appeared and it's not wearing off yet!

Little on the drama... it's basically about this girl (acted by Park Shin Hye) who disguise herself as her twin brother to help him to be in this band called A.N.Jell. This band should really be a real band and not just fictional as they totally rock!!! They actually held a mini concert in Japan and lots of fans attended! Amazing! And Shin Hye is so cute when she disguises as a guy and when she becomes a girl again, totally a doll-eyed pretty girl! :D And boy, can she easily cry! Good performance!

I developed a major crush on the lead actor, Jang Geun Suk. He's a total versatile and talented artist. He can act, sing, dance, model and emcee. When he sings, I can just swoon! Not to mention, he plays the guitar too!! Can he be any more dreamy??!! I think what made me love his singing is he has this deep singing voice that resembles my another idol, Lee Dong Gun. It's so unfortunate that Geun Suk hasn't release any album yet. At the moment, he's concentrating more on his acting instead.

Because of my current obsession of him, I dug lots of info and found that he's actually a humble and modest person despite being such a rising star! He treats his fans well and his outgoing personality is totally a thumbs-up! Oh! And his smile... totally a killer!! Can light up the entire room!! :P And he actually speaks decent English! Everything I found out about him made my obsession becomes even deeper. Not to worry, I can still grasp hold of the reality. :)

So, how's my obsession looks like??

Such a perfect A.N.Jell!

Just Not Lucky

2010-07-05T01:41:00.003+08:00

I know I shouldn't be mad at this moment but I just couldn't help it. Some people are just so lucky! I'm trying my best to not care so much. To not be so concern and to change in attitude because in the end, what I do is not worth it. I thought I'm coping well now. But somehow, it doesn't seem like. I still let it affect me.

I need someone to distract me. I need a new priority. I'm in the backseat. Have always been. I need to remind myself that. I'm definitely not putting much hope to anything. Maybe I need a break from all this. I need to stop all communication. I can't be that good and reliable person anymore.

I can't always be there anymore. I need to forget. I need to let go. I just got to face the fact that I'm not lucky at all. :(

Change

2010-06-17T22:47:00.006+08:00

There are a few things I need to change following how the situation has also changed a lot. It's really not easy to do as it involves the matter of heart. Firstly, I got to give up certain things. Give up the hope, give up the priority and most of all, give up the dream. Then, I got to readjust my feelings. Although years have passed, I got to discard all that and maintain what is actually real now. At times I felt the years have been unworthy, seeing how the end-result came about. Made me wonder, is there really nothing good came out of it? Maybe I need to look further.

Right now I need to be patient. Be patient to pick myself up and move on. I need to find a new priority and importance. Dreams really don't come true no matter how much you wish they do. I've been sleeping for far too long and now I need to wake up to see the reality of things. They are ugly. And with me being sensitive, it doesn't make things any easier. And at this moment, I hope for strength to carry myself up from this long slumber that I am in.

Will I be able to go through this ordeal? Time can only tell...

Moving On...

2010-06-06T21:01:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure this is really closure or not, but probably now I am able to free myself. Probably this is the time where I can tell myself to stop trying and just really give up. All those years of putting hope thinking things will change, dream can come true. In the end, they are just wishful thinkings. No matter how hard I wish it will come true, the truth is, it will never will. Thus, I need to move on from this.

Right now, I need to pick up all the pieces and fix everything back. I need to make sure that things go back to how they were, well... minus the hope that I've held on all this while. That hope, I need to blow it out. I hope I'll be able to do it. :)

Sign To Give Up

2010-06-01T23:57:00.003+08:00

It was a traumatic experience once again. I lost control and seriously became emotionally imbalance. I couldn't believe that I actually went through the miserable period where the pain was simply unbearable. I really wish at that moment, someone can just kill me please. With that, I need to escape from this as I don't want to ever go through it all over again.

Thus, I need to give up. No use putting in all the effort when you come to realise, the efforts are never recognised. So, I did what I always would do. I told honestly what I feel and hope that my judgement hasn't been wrong. I should give up and I'm trying to do so. I really hope to not go through the whole traumatic experience again. It's too tiring and painful.

Now, I am hoping that I will be able to completely give up and, the years that were spent would not be left unworthy. Putting faith that what I've done would bring some significance. All I can do now is to cross my fingers. At least, I'm not so imbalance now. :)

In A Fury Mode

2010-05-27T22:43:00.003+08:00

The past few weeks were all good. But I was afraid that it will be too good to be true. Sure enough. Today, I was given the blow. The past weeks I felt my presence becoming even more apparent. It was so apparent that I practically DARE to dream. But today, everything just went crumbling down. Suddenly I became so insignificant that wanting that few hours seem to be a stupid thing to ask.

I can't believe it. I actually put so much effort, going beyond my limits just to provide the very best care but what do I get? It came to the point that I am actually doing all the stupid things AGAIN. And I actually felt the hatred for succumbing to all these.

How can one be so heartless? How can one not truly care? How can one treat a person who has selflessly help without asking anything in return and only wanting the best out of the person so indifferent? How can one be so blind to not see the person standing right in front?

It really pisses me off to be treated this way just because someone else suddenly comes into the picture. Comparing to what I have done, I should be given the equal treatment. But NO! I don't want to have any ill feelings towards anybody. But right now, I don't know what I should do. After experiencing disappointment after disappoinment, I seriously feel like slapping the person to give a wake up call. To say, "Hey, I'm also a person with feelings. So, treat me right!!" Is that really too much to ask? After all, I've all along been the big-hearted person. Even my "enemy" I allow myself to be close to. And that didn't bring anything. Seriously, what do???

Is There But Not Quite

2010-05-25T14:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes the little, little things can just make you smile. It feels really good! But, can you dare to hope more from these little, little things? I'm afraid to... But so want to look forward to more good things and outcome! How?

Volcanic Period

2010-05-17T15:07:00.004+08:00

It feels like being in a volcano, waiting for eruption. Don't know how long this can continue to go on. At times, it felt like nothing but when it comes to times like this, it's like living hell! You really want to get things moving but yet, afraid will just jeopardise everything. So, what now?

He works in His own mysterious ways. So can He help to solve this long-enduring issue? Can a move be taken, not by me but by the other party? Can we just step up to another level? Is there really something going on or not?

Please, make this work! If not working also, give it a closure. That's all I'm asking. Sigh!

The Insecurity...

2010-05-14T17:35:00.002+08:00

Maybe the insecurity is there. Well, it has always been there. Although I've been told and seen how my existence brings lots of significant, I still feel insecure towards little little things. It may not be anything but, my mind will start to wonder until the green-eyed monster will appear. And I really hate that.

Probably I need more assurance. Nevertheless, nowadays things look more promising. I felt the softness and I really like it! But I wouldn't want to put hope into it. All that can change in an instant.

I just hope that somehow, somewhere... I am one and only. Yes, at this moment I want to be self-centred and I want that. It does look that way now, but I need to know that it really is and it's not just my assumption. I hope it can be told to me personally.

Well, right now... the green-eyed monster needs to be controlled. I wouldn't want to be upset over petty petty things that might just not meant anything but I have stupidly think they do. That might just make things uglier. So, please... grant me what I need to know?

More, More, More!!

2010-05-02T01:43:00.002+08:00

It's hard to look forward to the next meeting when you don't know when it will be. And that could be such a miserable feeling to go through. Sigh! The hours spent are just not enough! Want more, want more! How?? :(

It's A Great Day To Remember!

2010-04-29T23:02:00.003+08:00

Today is a great day because I spent most of the day with some person. This is something that doesn't happen always and I love it! The time well-spent together! Nothing more I can ask for! Happy happy! :D

On another note, I actually discovered my strenghts and weaknesses recently. All the while I've been kind of clueless to where my capability is. But now, I am more clear and will improve in what I am lacking of. Hoping to achieving the better me!

Hope to get more memorable moments together as well! :D

Emo All Of A Sudden...

2010-04-28T00:08:00.004+08:00

There comes a time where you feel that you've reach the max that you can go on and you just don't want to hold on anymore. And when that happens, you hope for change to come. That time has appear for me. I've tried to learn as best as I could, I realised that I just couldn't grasp hold of it 100%. Somehow, this is just not meant for me and I need to make the move. Although I was quite half-hearted, for my personal sake, I just need to do it. I hope everything will pans out smoothly for me.

I cherish my friends well. Those who know me, will know how I will do my best to help and support them. So, if there is one day that any of my friend start to distant from me, I'll try my best to stay in touch so that we will remain close. But, if after all the effort and yet nothing from the other party, that is when I'll just give up trying. So, I personally hope that don't make me be the only person doing all the effort. When it comes to the time where I've given up, don't expect me to be how I was before. I can't guarantee I'll be that same person anymore.

Thus, I've always tried to keep that string as attached as possible. I don't want to lose someone or anyone important. Even sometimes, some person can make me feel empty, I still continue giving the best support that I can so that we will always stay close. I hope the people who matters most to me understand that and will appreciate what I've done. And to those who have been distancing, reflect back and hope to reconnect what has been missing. It needs 2 hands to clap, not just one.

After so long didn't blog, came an emo post! Gosh! Hahaha...

Empty

2010-04-02T23:23:00.003+08:00

Just as I get to know the reason of my emptiness, it felt everything doesn't matter anymore. To know that the existence will not be there anymore, it just saddens. The emptiness just came as soon as what was told to me.

Although the situation will not change much, knowing the existence will no longer be in the same atmosphere as me, it somehow brings a totally different feeling. The feeling that it will not be there anymore, where I'll always know where it will be.

I know this emptiness will be filled somehow but... it just won't go away at the moment. Will the existence feel the same way? Will things change as well? Will everything be the same anymore?

Dullness

2010-03-28T21:44:00.002+08:00

I think the search for a better tomorrow or trying to be uber positive, doesn't really work. Somehow I got lost. I reverted to being so moody that I could just whack somebody. And, I lashed out something that probably I shouldn't have said. Then, I went back home and got refreshed.

Now, I'm feeling way better and back to being myself. However, the unsolved matters still remain unsolved. I still didn't find any solution. I guess I won't be finding anytime soon. And because of this, one day I might just revert to being moody again. I'm sure I will. Thus, I need my new happy pill fast! Hope to find it soon!

This post is so sien. When nothing pisses me off, really got not much to talk about. LOL!

Where Is My Happy Pill?

2010-03-16T13:41:00.004+08:00

This year looks like there won't be any holiday destination that I'll be going to. Friends plan to go Hong Kong in July, but after considering the amount of money that I need to spend, shall postpone to next year. If that is possible. Then thought can go within Malaysia, but looks like everyone has their own personal plans to go somewhere else. I guess I'll just give up thinking that I'll go anywhere this year. Sadly. :(

On another note, I'm kind of tired when people try to hide themselves behind a mask or anything related to that when approaching me. Just be truthful and come forward to talk to me or even if they want to talk bad about me. By all means, I'm open for that. Why need to be all secretive? And sometimes, even though with all the secrecy, you can still find a loophole somewhere. And from that loophole, you find another information that leads you to be more aware of your surroundings. So, why not save the trouble and be upfront. I've always prefer honesty. :)

Life now somehow seems not bright. I think because things start to go awry and somehow create a chain reaction. I want to see more rainbows appearing. So please, give me more rainbows! I know my one source of happy pill will no longer be what I want it to be. So, give me a new source instead! *Fingers crossed*

Positive Mind

2010-03-07T00:59:00.004+08:00

I should stop making myself to be miserable. Life is precious. I should make everyday a happy living day. If not happy also, at least livable. It will not be easy but instead of looking at what I've lost, I should look at what I've gained.

Just awhile ago, I found out that I almost lost something dear to me. It scared me and got me thinking what will happen if it did come true. I was sad but yet THANKFUL that it didn't happen. What's important, that something dear is still with me.

Because of this, I feel I should make the best out of things. I should keep what is precious to me and not lose it because any time and any day that preciousness can just suddenly disappear. Be grateful with what I've got, and although I didn't get what I've always wanted, at least I didn't lose everything. I should look at things positively.

Lately, I felt (I could be mistaken) that I've made some foes which I never intended it to be. Perhaps my actions or words stirred some unhappiness to some. Whatever it is, I've always try to be the good person that I can be. If some people want to think bad of me, then I can't stop them. However, if things turn too ugly, I'll step in to do what is necessary.

For now, I'll choose peace loving. I got to make things livelier for myself and search for that silver lining. :)

Reality Bites

2010-03-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

I want to go holiday! I want to have a break! I want to run away!! Possible?

Really just bites in the ass. It bites real hard that sleep is the only time you are at peace.

Going bonkers!! Though not yet cuckoo...

Arigato!

2010-03-02T13:26:00.004+08:00

The day will be better, as long as I know there are people around me who are still supporting me no matter what! Thank you all! As humble and nice as I have always try to be, it is interesting and amusing to find my humbly and nice attitude could rub in a wrong way. Oh well, Supporter said before, I am not Jesus, I'm just plain human! And also, someone dear told me that what is more important is what I think and not others. Cheers to positive minds! :D

Lost But Not Quite

2010-02-27T13:45:00.003+08:00

Normally words can be easily flown out of my fingers as I type. But not this time. This time, I feel it is difficult to express what I want to say.

Just recently, I was faced with a fact unexpectedly. I wasn't prepare to hear it but I heard it. And after hearing it, somehow whatever hope I have left just seem to be blown away. I don't know what am I to do next. What I have sowed, didn't turn out to be the kind of results that I want it to be. I guess I just have to give up sowing. Question is, will I be able to do it?

Nevertheless, I should be grateful that the efforts that I have put in to sow, didn't completely go wasted. Somehow, I had strengthen what was built along the time. Somehow, my existence does hold some importance until funnily enough, my existence caused a certain effect that I didn't imagine it can happen, but it did.

Yes, I might have lost the little hope that I have always kept lighted. But on the other hand, I was made clear that my existence has its place that no one can replace it. For that, I am very grateful. But, how should I go on now? I've yet to think about it.

Can You Reap What You Sow?

2010-02-25T12:16:00.004+08:00

When you are young, parents and teachers will tell you that, if you put in lots of efforts into doing something, you'll get the results that you want. Hence, children are motivated to study harder, to work harder to get the achievements that they want. During that time, doing such things can work. You'll get the kind of results that you have earned for.

However, when it comes to putting efforts on human beings, it's like taking a risk in gambling. You either win it or lose it. There's no in between. You tried to be the best person anyone can have, because you want to show you are worth it and you will always be there. Unfortunately, no matter how much effort you put in to show this side of you, the end-result is still a disappointment. They say, you reap what you sow. But what if you can't reap what you've always sowed. What do you do then? Hence, the chances of losing come through.

So seriously, is being the best person anyone can have is a good thing or a bad thing? Putting in lots of efforts will bring you good results or just plain stupidity? At the end of the day, when you see the disappointment, you'll ask yourself, is this really worth it? Is this really what you want? Is this something you can live with now?

And how do you answer then? Another question...

Fun Is Almost Over

2010-02-20T13:38:00.004+08:00

The week of celebration is almost OVER! I can't believe I've been going out every single night for the past week! WOW! This can only happen during Chinese New Year. After Chinese New Year is over, I'm sure I'm back to being in my anti-social shell. LoL!

It's great to meet up with friends and just joke and laugh the night away. But one thing I felt guilty was, there were certain times I couldn't join some of my friends and their outings. If only I can split myself into two or three, then I'll be able to fulfill everyone. Hahaha.

Sometimes maybe if you wish hard, some of your wishes might come true. I felt that way. It felt like a dream, but I know it was true. A moment of remembrance I'll say. A moment where you wish to hug it all the time. Probably, now can expect for miracle? Hahaha...

Anyway, one more day to go and it's back to work! Back to reality and start to reorganise my priorities. I need to make a change in my life, for the better of course. :)

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

2010-02-16T13:35:00.016+08:00

This post has come a bit late but it's OK! It is still Chinese New Year although it's the 3rd day today! Here, I would like to wish everyone good health, good wealth and may this year goes on smoothly for all. If not so smooth also, don't be too challenging until breakdown! May the year of the Tiger be properous all year round! :D

This year I started my Chinese New Year not the way I expected it to be. I was quite disappointed and was a bit sad that it begun that way. Don't ask, I won't tell. :P Anyway, things started to pick up after the first day. And I think, things will change to much better now. I seem to win a little in gambling and having fun the way I wish it to be. :D

What is slacking now is... I fell sick! Cough and cold. And the hot weather is not helping at all! Yesterday I felt like all my energy has drained out. But today, luckily I wasn't feeling that way. Thank God! I want to have fun the whole week, before I go back to work! Hopefully what I wish for will be fulfilled by the end of the week! And another slacking thing is... I'm lacking of sleep! Gosh! Need to gain back my sleep. It is of utmost important! ;)

Oh, since I begun my Chinese New Year not that good, my Valentine's day also went down the drain. LOL!

So, how's your Chinese New Year been so far? :)

Quickie

2010-02-12T12:19:00.003+08:00

Work has finally OVER!! It's time to usher in the Tiger year with a BANG! Well, hopefully. :) Now what I need is much rest which I've been lacking of for a week. After that hope I'll have so much fun that I'll suffer the post-CNY syndrome! Hahaha!

Counting the days to the new year! :D

Quick Update

2010-02-05T23:26:00.004+08:00

I started the new year by having much lesser entries. I wonder what happen to my blogger's kick to write. It's definitely deteriorating. LOL! Anyhow, January had just ended just like that. And in February, Chinese New Year is approaching real soon! I love Chinese New Year. I will be able to buy new clothes which it is the time where I'll buy lots to cater for the whole year as I don't shop the whole year round. :P I'll also be able to meet all my friends, far and near. One whole week of enjoyment! Can't wait. I better not be disappointed. :P

Actually somewhere in January, I became one of the bridesmaids for a friend. To tell the truth, I am the lousiest bridesmaid. I have no idea what I should do on the big day and I weren't much help during the preparation. Reason being... I'm not in Malacca to lend a helping hand. I guess giving opinions is OK but to be there to help, I wasn't able to do it.

However, being just the bridesmaid made me feel that to hold a wedding ceremony is seriously tiresome! I still, still hold on to the idea of eloping (if ever I am going to get married la!). With all the hassle and busyness of setting up the whole "event" to being dolled up to be the princess of the day, I rather skip all that and just go honeymoon. I feel is like creating unnecessary stress, because you want everything to run smoothly.

Some may say that I might think like that now, but wait till I found my partner in life. OK! I shall wait if that day will ever come. For now, eloping is the best option! :P Anyway, wedding was OK. I'm seriously not a big fan of weddings. Sorry~ What's worst was, the next day I had food poisoning! I vomited like open tap. Everything in my stomach was trying to get out and I was suffering like hell! Imagine vomiting 10 times in a day! I have never prayed so much in my life till that day. I was sweating like hell and could barely stand. I can even sit on the floor in the toilet, trying to calm my stomach. It was seriously torturous. But I think because the doctor gave me an injection, the next day I stopped vomiting and felt better. Phew! And get this, I was the only unlucky one to get food poisoning. Sobs!

Well, we are now working real hard so that we can celebrate Chinese New Year. If everything goes on well, I'll be able to happily partying and celebrating on that week. Cross my fingers! :D

After A Rough Tide...

2010-01-11T22:02:00.004+08:00

After the difficult time of finding the solution, things are finally resolved (I hope). Now I can go back to being like I used to, though I do still need to be cautious. At least now, the torn has been mended and hope things will go on better.

I really like when everything is let it out and made clear. In that way, I can grasp better on how to react and I can understand what the situation is really happening. With this, I feel more carefree and, whatever I was thinking before, are put to ease now. However, I know, things can't always go on smoothly. Somehow, issues may arise but, that's for me to handle them as they come.

For now, I can kick back and relax a little, while knowing that I wasn't kept in the dark anymore. For the time being. :)

On The Mind...

2010-01-03T23:49:00.004+08:00

Mind is partially confused. When they say girls are creatures that are very hard to understand, I agree to this point at this moment. I seriously don't understand what I want. Acting cool doesn't make me happy, acting the usual self also doesn't make me happy either. So, I really can't understand which one I should be.

Right now feels like the torn in the pocket is getting bigger and bigger. I'm afraid it will come to a time where, mending it will be hopeless. So, I'm asking myself, do I want that to happen? The answer is NO. But what can I do now? The torn is already there, and it is increasingly getting bigger even though I tried to mend it time and time again. Sigh!

At times I'm fed up. Why am I the only one being stuck in this situation? Why can't things go on smoothly? Please, show me a sign to which I should be. Is really difficult to know which one is the best possible way for me so that I won't be going down the pit hole. I really got no solution to this. I wish for a sign...

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T16:50:00.004+08:00

Wishing everyone a fresh new start this year in 2010. May everything will go on smoothly and better than the last! Happy New Year to all of you!! :D

Happy New Year Glitter Pictures

Simple Yet Again...

2009-12-31T01:50:00.006+08:00

Initially I thought I'll be celebrating New Year with a bang, but turns out... I fell sick again! Had sore throat, cold and cough. I think due to I weren't 100% recover from my last sick, that I went karaoke for 4 hours last Monday! Well, it was my first time singing karaoke, so I was excited! After so long I've been wanting to karaoke but never really do it, that I just went and give it a try! So I guess I sang till I fell sick again. Theoretically, I'm thinking because of that. LoL!

So, instead of partying till the wee hours, I'm opting for a simple gathering. Again, like my Christmas celebration, it will be a small scale one. I think that would be quite alright. Rather than get stuck in the jam and paying high price on that night. Furthermore, with my condition, I don't think I'll be hyped up enough to dance the night away.

Thus, this year's celebration will just be a small gathering and makan makan. Hopefully will turn out great as it will signify as the start of the year 2010! :D

So, how are you celebrating the new year?

Simple Christmas

2009-12-27T23:26:00.005+08:00

Christmas this year was celebrated in a small scale. Meaning, didn't party till the wee morning. Instead, we all booked a condo and had pot luck. Not bad for a gathering with all our friends. This Christmas, I told myself not to do one thing, which I didn't do it. Reason being I don't want to continue being a fool. Don't ask me what it is as I don't really plan to tell. :P Anyway, I didn't do it, but.... I received it in return. Something different, perhaps. :)

Well, next round of celebration is for the New Year! Hope I'll be celebrating it with a bang! :D

P/S: I'm blogging on my mum's laptop. Imagine mother got laptop but daughter still using an old PC. Aih~~ :P

A Quickie Christmas Wish

2009-12-25T12:28:00.008+08:00

Would like to take this opportunity to wish all my friends and fellow bloggers a blessed Christmas. Cheers!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

My Thoughts...

2009-12-23T23:59:00.006+08:00

Currently work has been hectic, especially when we so don't want to work during Christmas which is coming REAL SOON! We really have been pouring the extra oil just so we will have that one week break that we so deserved. All of us are really tired! Lately, I felt I can hardly bring myself up from the bed each morning. Fortunately, my sick didn't went downhill. I'm getting better each day. My cough has lessen and my voice is gradually coming back. Thank God!

The past week has been a bit crazy, aside from work. So many things popped up that needed me to handle them one by one. Because of work and I was sick, I weren't able to handle them and they just bogged me down. I don't know whether to credit my maturity or not, but this time, I really didn't get all pissed off when facing these issues. Somehow, I was calm. Though the issues still exist but I told myself that I'll handle them one at a time as they go. So, next month I'm going to be super busy handling these issues. God bless me!

I've all along has this source that can make my day, almost always. But nowadays, the source is not working its magic anymore. Let's just put that I've got tired of pretending not to see what is in front of me. I think I got tired of being the good and patient person. In fact, I got pissed! So pissed that I feel like giving up. Right now, I told myself to be numb. To not have any emotion and to don't care much. Yes, it is sad. But, I should not let myself be sad. It's not worth it. Sometimes I just don't understand why is it so hard to treat people right. I guess this is one of God's trials and tribulations for me to go through. To make me a much better person.

In God's hands, I wish I can find peace. I won't hope for happiness as happiness is short-lived. I just hope for peace at heart. I just want a calm and peaceful life. I guess it's not such a difficult wish, ya? :)

Lost My Voice Again!

2009-12-13T20:58:00.006+08:00

Oddly enough I always must fall sick at the wrong time and I weren't able to MC. Lucky thing this time wasn't as bad as the time I was sick for a month. That was truly suffering! However, just like that time, I lost my voice this time too! Although I wasn't coughing my lungs out as before, yet today morning I woke up with no voice! Amazing how that can happen!

Now, I'm feeling a little bit like a mute girl. LoL! Hope my voice will come back soon although I just visited the doctor who didn't seem professional. I preferred the doctor I went before this. Although he talked a lot, he really explained what caused my sickness and everything. And he's friendly and funny too. This one just asked me, what's wrong and just quietly prescribed me medicine without telling me what is what. He didn't really thoroughly check whether I have other sickness or not which made me feel doubtful if I will recover or not. Well, will see how. Cross my fingers!

On another note, you know how sometimes you already told yourself that you want to be different this time because circumstances showed that it is the best way possible. But, when you were changing towards that, the circumstances turned better, making you wanting to go back to how you was before. And so, you reverted to that but... you are afraid that this "better" is just temporarily. What if, the circumstances turn bad again, how should you handle then? Is seriously mind boggling sometimes. Can't things just go on smoothly and well and... just perhaps happily for once? I seriously at odds at times... *shrugs*

The Time I Was In Paris

2009-12-04T23:46:00.004+08:00

I should have blogged about my Paris trip 2 weeks ago but I was just too lazy to blog. Now also feeling a tad lazy. LOL! Anyways, yes, it's my third time to the city of love and this time, we managed to do some sight-seeing for a complete whole day. As those who have seen my Facebook, can see the photos of the trip (taken with my only source of camera - N97).

First thing first, I never like to sit plane. Not to say I got so much of experience in sitting one, but each time I'm on flight I'll definitely have either headache or nausea. And with this long flight, I experienced quite a terrible jet-lag. I all the while thought jet-lag only refers to sleeping disorder, it turns out it can also cause nausea, headache and etc. My flight to Paris made me experienced a stomach-full of wind. It lasted for one whole day with a little pain. So you can imagine how discomfort it was. And when I came back to Malaysia, I felt like vomiting and I did once I reached home. I controlled myself when I was in the taxi although I almost wanted to puke. Terrible! That's why... I hate sitting planes.

Nevertheless, overall my trip there was quite OK. Most of the days we are working in the exhibition hall. And the weather this time wasn't that cold compared to previous years. Probably due to global warming. As I mentioned, we managed to do some sight-seeing this time because we took MAS instead of SIA as we always do. As MAS do not have any flight to Malaysia on Friday (the day we supposed to be flying home), we took the opportunity to walk around Paris.

My artistry-view of Notre Dame Church

We started off by heading to the famous Notre Dame Church. Well, I suggested to go there actually as I wanted to visit such a historical place. The church's architecture is really amazing when you look closely. To know that the church has been holding up for centuries is truly remarkable! Once you entered the church, you will be welcomed by the serene background music that will make you truly feel that you ARE in a church. Although it is a famous tourist spot, they still practice their daily church activities. So you can do your confessions, praying and etc. there. As I'm not Catholic, I'm just there to see how the church looks like. As we didn't pay to go to the tower tour where you can go up the church to see more of it, we only managed to tour at the bottom of the church.

The Louvre as seen in Da Vinci Code

After the Notre Dame, our next stop is the Louvre. I also wanted to go to the Louvre since last year. And it's not because of Da Vinci Code. I know about the museum before I read the book. ;) Anyway, we went to the normal exhibition instead of the Da Vinci Walk and the normal one cost Euro 9. In the museum, you'll see these incredible paintings and sculptures all exhibited there. As I don't really know how to appreciate art, I can't really tell how exquisite all of them are. But what I can tell you, last time nudity is something that can be portrayed openly. Most of the sculptures are 18SX kind of thing. So, it's true that artists those days are very open about sexuality and what's behind that. LOL!

And of course, we saw Mona Lisa, the painting. Unfortunately, we can't get a upclose look of it as I think because it was so famous, the painting itself was heavily guarded by barriers. So I can't really appreciate her beauty. One thing I noticed, the women that were drawn on the paintings then are actually voluptuous type of woman. Which means last time the women are much fleshier than what society is today. How much things has changed, eh?

After the Louvre, we went down to Avenue des Champs-Elysees. I think I have repeated this street for 3 times already. This is the famous street to know when you want to get Louis Vuitton. This was the time where my colleagues really went shopping. We went into a shop that sells Longchamp (we think they are the distributor), which is really cheap there. OK, this might sound a little embarrassing, but the fold-able bag from Longchamp that seems to be the trend now, I didn't know it was from Longchamp till my colleague told me. When I saw like everyone has it, I was thinking how... not-very-nice looking the bag is. I find that it's just so simple but why everyone is buying it? Are they... excuse me for saying this... blind?

But, when I know that it is from Longchamp, then I know why people will buy it. Again, it's about the brand. But seriously, the bag doesn't look expensive. If me, I would rather buy something that look expensive so that the money I pay will be so much worth it. No offence to those who have that bag, OK! You are free to buy it. And that bag in Paris, it cost about Euro 55. I know, tempting right? Hahaha...

And so, my colleagues bought Longchamp, Gucci and Louis Vuitton for themselves and friends. I just watch them buy. Hahaha... I don't even have the moolah to buy a LV. One LV is equivalent to my salary, so forget it. Wait till I earn 10K a month then I'll consider. :P But seriously, buying LV in Paris can save you more or less RM1K (include tax refund). So, place your order to those who are going to Paris to help you buy! Hahaha... The only thing I bought for myself (which my colleague tempted me) was a Disney Princess figurines set that cost Euro 16. So about RM80. Told myself not to spend anything, I went and spend. Aihhh.... Oh ya, we witnessed a fight when we want to cross the street. They really use their fist to fight! We quickly run before anything! Better safe than sorry. Hahaha...

Oh, what I always look for when I was in Paris was hot food!! Their sandwiches are cold and they really love that hard long bread. Sorry, not my kind of thing. It seems their lunch are always sandwiches and bread while their dinners are really heavy ones like steak. So, yes. When dinner time, I always felt happy to be eating a good full meal. I can also actually miss rice while I was there. When I reached Malaysia, the first thing I ate was Nasi Goreng Kampung! Hahaha...

So, basically that's my wrap up of my Paris trip. :)

A Quickie...

2009-12-02T16:42:00.004+08:00

Yes, sometimes you really wish that you have that switch in your mind where you can just flick whatever you don't wish to think about, off at that instant. It can be annoying to constantly having the thought to be in your mind when you just don't want to think about it. Well, if only such switch ever exist. Maybe should ask Santa for this. Hahaha!

The Great Escape

2009-11-30T00:12:00.005+08:00

The long weekend was great!

Friday started off shopping with LiLi! Well, more like hunting 2 things that she needs for this coming weekend - a wedding and a company function, both with themes. That's what made the hunt started in the first place! At least we got one of them covered - a dress that suits the theme of the wedding at a cheap price! Hahaha.. Then at night, we went to party at one of the new "in" places called Rootz at Lot 10. I don't even know it exist in the first place until LiLi told me about it. What I can say about Rootz is... it could have been an awesome place to party if only it wasn't too small in terms of size or, they limit the number of people inside. Seriously, it's hard to find a table and it was really packed like sardine. It was so difficult to dance. That's the downfall which made it wasn't an entirely enjoyable night but it was alright because get to party with friends! :D

The next day I started the day quite awfully because of the rain. I sent my car for a wash. But as soon as I put my car at the car wash and walked to the nearest mamak to have my lunch, I heard the sky drumming, signalling it was going to rain. I prayed that it won't rain so soon but guess my prayers weren't answered as it rained heavily. I have no choice but to wait for 1 hour plus for the rain to stop. During that time, I managed to read 2 magazines and the rain still wasn't slowing down. And that alone, really is a torture, well sort of. Wrong time to rain!! After I saw that it was slowing down, I quickly went and take my car and head back home where I faced a massive terrible jam right outside my house! I think it was due to flash flood which happened often each time it rained heavily. I got stucked for half an hour for a 2-minute drive back home. Worst, the petrol signal started to blink indicating, going to run out of petrol! Thankfully, I managed to get home safely! Phew!

However, the second part of the day was good. At night, we went to this place at a top of the hill where it was popular for its view of the KL city. It's far from where I stay but, when we reached the top, the view was really great! For those who want to know what am I referring to, it's Look-out Point in Ampang. Great place for a romantic night-out. Tips to couples! Hahaha.. After that, we head down to Library at the Curve for chill-out time. First time there and it was not bad. But, according to friends, the drinks (referring to the alcohol drinks) were a bit expensive compared to others. I don't drink so I wouldn't know. Hahaha...

On Sunday morning, I attended a homestay to Japan orientation to learn what's homestay is all about. I was interested to join this programme if given I got the time and money. What I learned was, homestay is seriously not like travelling. You have an image to take care of when you're in a foreign country living with a foreign family. So, you really got to portray yourself well as you'll be representing your country. But other than that, I feel it's a good experience to go to such programme. And should do it when you're young. Wait till I have the money first! LOL! And I met Ping here who has signed up to the programme to Hokkaido next month! Have fun, girl! :D

In the evening was movie time! Went and catch the second installation of Twilight, New Moon. Well, the movie was as I expected. I never really put high expectation to this movie as the first one wasn't that superbly great to begin with. Before the twilight fans come and butcher me, I read 4 of the Twilight books and I love all of them. But, what's in the books wasn't really captured in the movie. Well, that is what to expect when you bring the story to life in films. You can't show everything that was written. Thus, the movie lack the depth of the story and Bella, Edward, Jacob were given just a surface kind of character development. When I watched the movies, I felt Bella, Edward and Jacob lacked of that extra something that made us fans go crazy over the books. That is why, the Edward that I love in the book is just not the same with the Edward that I see in the movie. I for one, am always on Team Edward! LOL! Nevertheless, I'll still watch Eclipse and Breaking Dawn (if they are making it). And, I'll still love Edward! LOL! :P

P/S: I know I should have blogged about my Paris trip, but I was too lazy to blog about it. I shall blog about it soon! :)

When...

2009-11-18T04:16:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you think you are of what importance because you feel somehow, somewhere what you have done will make worth of that importance. However, when you are slapped with the reality that shows what you have been denying all this time is true, you tend to wonder what should you do now? Shrugs to me now. SIGH!

And So...

2009-11-13T23:42:00.003+08:00

I was such a wet blanket 2 days ago. I feel I can eat up a person even though he or she wasn't doing anything wrong. I know, it seems like I got attitude problem. LoL! Anyways, I always have this moment when I found out something is wrong and I don't know how to solve it. And, I was bitter over it. Make it, VERY bitter.

Although now I'm no longer a wet blanket as I can make jokes, smile, laugh without eating anyone up, the issue still doesn't seem to have any solution. Well, sort of. I did kind of came up with a plan. But to know whether the plan would work to solve my issue, that's entirely a different story. And also, I'm not too confident in it as my plan might backfire, due to I'm a softy no matter what.

The plan is simple... what you do to others, will do to you too. Yeah, it sounds so bitterly revengeful right? But, actually... it's more like showing what is wrong rather than telling it is wrong. Some people just need to be put in other people's shoes to know how it feels. However, me being a softy, given time I might just forget all about it and back to square one. And that is what I'm afraid of. So... I need to pull this off successfully without making it worst. Sounds like a challenge which... I also not sure how am I going to do it successfully. Seriously, what's so hard to sometimes make yourself think of others? Gosh!

And You Thought You Know Best

2009-11-11T23:26:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you thought you know the person so well after many years. But seriously, how well do you know the person? After all the years you know the person, of course you feel the person will be concern or care for you. That is what everyone will assume, isn't it? But how come there are loop holes that indicate otherwise? How come suddenly you feel the person has turn so selfish? Has turn into someone who has full-heartedly been receiving but not giving? What went wrong?

Is it wrong to think that if you are kind to others, somehow the kindness will rub onto the person? In reality, does it ever work? All the while I've been trying my best to be the good person that I am, even to the extend that the person tell me I was near perfect but somehow, I don't feel the perfectness. I feel I'm still on the losing end. How can that be?

Is it ever wrong to ask for someone to show a little bit of concern. Is it ever wrong? If it's not wrong why some people just won't show it? No matter how much you have been giving and yet, there's simply no receiving anything back. Then what's the point of giving so much? In the end, will just end up being so stupid facing the selfish reality. And that alone, truly hurts.

The Problem With Anger

2009-11-08T22:17:00.004+08:00

Would you believe me if I say I have anger issues? Yes, most of the time I can be damn relax, happy-go-lucky feeling but when my anger strikes, is like all hell breaks loose. Probably some don't know that when I'm so pissed off I feel like throwing things (and it happened before). The anger just kept on building up until I feel I need to release it out and throwing things seems to suit my situation. I know it's bad that's why I've all along tried to control my temper whenever I felt the anger is coming. You can call this episode as "almost to detonation". And today, I felt it.

I was angry because a promise wasn't fulfilled which is not something new actually. I even told myself, don't expect it to happen. But, even though I told myself that, I still look forward to it. Stupid, I know. So, when it REALLY didn't happen, the anger just strike up. Of course I felt like yelling, demanding for explanation but I didn't do that as I was still in control. I got my explanation and apology but I felt the "sorry" that was given far too many times doesn't help ease the anger anymore. The first few times, yes, I was considerate but after too often, the word is just a meaningless word that won't make things better. Seriously, I don't want the apology. It will make things way, way better if... the promise was fulfilled eventually, no matter when.

I guess half of the anger was also towards myself. Felt angry because I was too stupid to ever believe it. When will I ever learn, seriously? So yeah, the anger didn't subside after few hours. I really felt like detonating. I seriously hate this feeling. I hate when my anger kept on building up as it will bring back all the negative emotions. I hate it so much but yet people will still make me pissed off. I'm not so easily pissed but why would people push me till that stage? I'm afraid one day my anger will overwhelm me. Hoping that the time won't come. If only people will uphold their promises.

Anyway, after going out to get some "fresh air", I felt much better but still... a tiny bit of anger is still there. But at least I don't feel like detonating! Too much of disappointment is seriously, NOT HEALTHY! Sigh... when will I ever get over my stupidity? *shrugs*

My Top 5 Treat List

2009-11-07T15:38:00.014+08:00

I'm sure everyone has their list of things they want to get be it, a gorgeous dress they saw at a shop but can't afford it, a book they are so into it but the price is over their budget, holidaying at a sunny beach of California but the expenditure is overbearing. This kind of list just gives us an aim and motivation to achieve what we have always wanted. And so, here is my special Top 5 Treat List which I really should treat myself to. I rarely ever treat myself, only occasionally. Let's kickstart to the first on the list!

#1 Discovering Japan with good friends

Ohayo, Japan!

I have always LOVE to visit Japan. It is one of my top list countries that I want to go since... FOREVER. Experiencing a different culture, learning a few Japanese words, eating those oishii Japanese food and being in a totally vast technological country seem to be the ideal treat for a getaway! I couldn't ask for more than THIS! :D

#2 A karaoke session with friends

Let's sing along!

Alright, I may sound super alien here but I HAVE NEVER been to a karaoke session. Never once and I've been dying to go to one. So, treating myself to a first-time singing my lungs out, is such a good thing, isn't it? It will be great if my birthday is to be held in a karaoke room with friends going crazy in the room. Just somehow reminded me of a scene in the Korean drama, My Name is Kim Sam Soon where the couple and the girl's mother and sister went crazy karaoke-ing. I would love that! LOL!

#3 A tub of Baskin Robbins or Haagen Dazs

Yummy-licious!

After trying my best to keep on budgeting and budgeting, I rarely had any Baskin Robbins or Haagen Dazs. For me, that's luxury ice-cream. The one thing that I can indulge in is McDonald's RM1 ice-cream cone or IKEA's RM1 ice-cream cone. Sounds cheapskate but times are bad. *shrugs*. So for once, I really would love to indulge myself in a tub of Baskin Robbins or Haagen Dazs. And after finishing the whole tub, my face will be planted with that HUGE satisfying smile which just shows how YUMMY the ice-cream is. Aahhh... heaven!

#4 Stuffing myself with Korean BBQ and other Korean delicacies

Oh-so sumptuous. Drooling!

Korean BBQ is just THE BOMB! Thinking about it already made me salivating. Damn! Each time I watch any Korean drama, my urge to eat those Korean food will instantly appear. The kimbap, bibimbap, bbq beef/pork, kimchi ramen... OMG! I really, seriously need to treat myself to that! *slurps*

#5 Sipping Starbucks coffee while surfing the net

Just right for me!

I never have the privilege of enjoying a cup of iced latte in Starbucks while surfing the net there. Alright, I may be able to do that on my smart phone BUT with a laptop is so much better and easier! And I never own a laptop before to enjoy the benefits (SERIOUSLY). If I have a Dell Inspiron 13, my idea of treating myself to enjoy a cool iced latte on a sunny, hot Sunday afternoon while chatting with friends on MSN and blogging will be materialised! How cool is that? I can basically online anywhere. I can even enjoy my coffee/tea while doing my work at Starbucks, Old Town and etc., and when I'm sick of doing my work, just click onto YouTube! I can online when I go back to my hometown too! How convenient! All I need is the sleek-looking Dell Inspiron 13. *grins*

So, there goes my Top 5 Treat List! Sounds achievable? Well, I DO hope to achieve all that! *cross my fingers* Dell has a special coupon code for those who purchase the Dell Inspiron 13. Present the code and you'll get a RM100 Instant Cash Redemption. It is only available online or by calling them. The coupon will only valid until 10 November 2009, which is SOON! The code: 7ZQVQF2RLZRKW3, So, hurry hurry!

Green Eyes Monster

2009-11-07T01:09:00.008+08:00

So yeah I'm having green eyes now. Big deal. But I can't help it when I hear my friends each and everyone has something going on during this weekend. One had gone up to Genting with friends to party, another is already at Poppy tonight and have plans during the weekend, another went back hometown because out-of-town friends are coming down and another has farewell party today & friend's birthday tomorrow at Velvet. And me, plan-less. So why not the green eyes?

I heard on radio that they are having a blood donation drive tomorrow at the Curve. Since I got nothing to do and I'm not on any medication, probably I can go donate some blood. I've been wanting to do it for so many times but each time I'm always on medication. It looks like an excuse but it's true!! I was on antibiotics at that time. So yeah, maybe I'll do some charity. Will see how!

But I'm still having that green eyes! :P

Updated: Note to self - google first before simply heading to anywhere. The blood donation drive is only happening next week, 15 November! Me, being so smart, went to the Curve today thinking I can go and donate blood. Turns out, it was such a waste of time and money (I had to pay my parking for nothing!). Sigh! Should have checked before going.

AAR Gives A Rocking Concert

2009-11-01T20:05:00.006+08:00

As usual after every production, I'll take a break to rest back home. And this time, I spent 4 days at home doing nothing but eat, sleep and watch my TVB marathon. I managed to finish 2 TVB dramas! And on Saturday, I came back up to catch the All American Rejects (AAR) concert organised by DiGi Music. The concert was initially to be scheduled on 10 October but because the lead singer, Tyson Ritter had a knee injury, it was postponed to yesterday.

Alright, I got to be upfront. I wasn't very keen to watch AAR as I wasn't their biggest fan. I do have a few of their songs from their first album but I'm definitely not a devoted fan. But since it's free as I'm a DiGi user and my friends are going, so why not. However, this I got to add. On the day the concert was to go on, I was re-thinking whether I should go or not. But because there's no reason to convince me not to, I went in the end!

We waited for quite awhile for it to start as you know, international stars can't be on time. Oh ya, before that, there were also our local acts performing but we skipped all that to get to the main event - AAR. When the band finally appeared, everyone went wild. I would say they have great showmanship. They interact with the crowd well. Actually, Tyson knows how to entertain the crowd. Thumbs up! Overall, it was a rocking concert although I felt it was quite a short one. And what we observed, there were lots of youngsters as in teenagers attending. We felt a tiny bit "old". Hahahaha.. Despite the drizzle, it was quite an awesome concert on a Halloween Day! Cheers to that! :D

The Day I Saw Lee Min Ho

2009-10-25T22:08:00.012+08:00

When I heard that Lee Min Ho from the Korean F4 drama, Boys Over Flowers is coming to Malaysia, I was quite excited. He's currently one of my favourite Korean actors for obvious reasons - he's tall and cute, and his acting is quite OK. :P I was contemplating to go and see him since it's not every day I'll be able to see my favourite stars.

There was a point where I was in a dilemma as a friend asked me out for movie on the same day that Min Ho will be down in Malaysia (Sungei Wang to be precise). I was in dilemma because I know there will definitely be lots of fans who want to catch Min Ho. And if I go and wouldn't be able to see him then it will be a waste of time which I could just go and watch the movie instead. So, what I did was... I flipped a coin to decide. LOL! The results was... to see Lee Min Ho!

And so, I took the LRT all the way to Sungei Wang. I decided not to drive because, I'm not very sure how to go to Sungei Wang and besides, taking the LRT is way cheaper and much more convenient. I can't imagine finding parking on a weekend. It's been 1 year plus since I took the LRT and nothing has changed from what I observed. Hahaha...

When I reached Sungei Wang, the concourse area where Min Ho will make his appearance was already swarm with his fans. I was trying to squeeze through to find a perfect spot for me to stand to see him and take photos. I have to tell you, in this kind of scenario, if you have the height, is seriously an advantage! Luckily, I have a little of that. So, even from quite a distance I could see the stage clearly, so means... I can see Min Ho clearly. ;)

As always with stars, they can't make their appearance on time. So, the fans and I waited about 40-45minutes for it to start. Ok, the reason he was down in Malaysia was because he's a spokesperson for a Korean comestic/skincare brand called Etude House and they have just launch a new product (or 2, didn't pay much attention to that). And so, Min Ho was down to launch the product(s). But I think it's more like showing his oh-so-cute face so that fans will buy the products. It's a marketing gimmick. Oh ya... apparently if you want to get his autograph, you can purchase their products, rm20 and above to get a free poster which he will only sign on. Marketing tactic, wouldn't you say? I was tempted to buy and get the poster, I admit. But I was thinking what am I going to buy when I already have what I want (although from another brand) and even if I have the poster, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to get his signature. Oh ya.. I was also kind of lazy to drop by the store to see what I can buy. So, in the end I told myself, save it. Just go and see his oh-so-cute face, that's enough!

How the poster would look like

After waited while I played my sudoku, he finally made his appearance. I tell you, at this moment, fans went crazy (not me, mind you)!! They literary screamed and pushed just so they can get nearer to the stage. And boy, he is seriously TALL AND CUTE!! Those smile can just swoon you over. Unfortunately for me, people kept on pushing me here and there, it was really difficult to take a perfect shot. Thus, my shots weren't that good, some even blurry and all photos are taken from my N97. But somehow, because of the push, I kept on getting closer and closer to the stage that I can see him even much clearer! Whooopeee! He really looked like in the drama. So means... he's no fake! He is genuinely good looking!! :D

Lee Min Ho during the product launching

Although I was young at heart in wanting to come to see him, I seriously not THAT young to continue ga-ga over there for such a long time. The fans screamed their lungs out while I just kept my mouth shut and they seriously pushed real hard just so they can be closer to him while I really not that crazy to do that BUT somehow, got no choice but to follow the flow. At that moment, it's like being in a sauna. I sweat like nobody business and trying my very best to get some nice shots. When it was time for his autograph signing, I was quite close to the stage that I can see him much upfront. But because of the sweat and heat, I couldn't stand anymore, I told myself one last time to see him and I'm getting out of there. Oh ya, forgot to mention, before he made his appearance I saw a girl almost fainted. She looked so pale. Poor thing.

Lee Min Ho during the autograph signing session

Anyway, after I managed my way out from the swarm of fans, I initially wanted to leave the place. However, right at that moment he was about to leave already. Luckily I didn't get the poster. The autograph signing session was kind of short. He said his goodbye and I was able to see him for the very last time. After that, as he leaves, fans went chasing towards his direction but not me, I went the opposite. LOL! But I got to say this, he didn't really make my heart flutter unlike Jien. Though I do like to see Min Ho, my idolising for Jien is much more (probably because it has gone on for 10 over years!). LOL! So, that's my experience seeing Lee Min Ho. How I wish I will be able to see my top favourite Korean actor, Lee Dong Gun too! Time will tell, perhaps. :P

Lee Min Ho saying his goodbye

My Date With Spring

2009-10-24T14:06:00.008+08:00

I Have A Date With Spring

I have always love watching I Have A Date With Spring. The last I watch was the drama starring our TVB veteran darlings today - Sheren Tang and Kiki Sheung. The drama was made by TVB counterpart, ATV where Sheren and Kiki were formally under that station that time. When I watched that drama, I instantly fell in love with it that I just couldn't miss any single episode! The icing of the cake was, the male lead was acted by Kong Wa! I just love to see him act as he has that charisma on screen. And believe me, the chemistry between Kong Wa and Sheren Tang was so good on screen that eventually off-screen she became the third party in Kong Wa's own marriage! However, that was the in the past...

To those who don't know what's the story about, just need to click here. The songs in the drama were superb also. All four of them sang really well especially Sheren and Kiki (I didn't know they can sing so good!) that I regretted I didn't buy the soundtrack the time it was out. Now, it is so difficult to get it! Is like finding a needle in the haystack! So anybody knows how to get it, please tell me!! :P

Apparently before the drama was out, there was a Hong Kong movie on it too starring Alice Lau and David Wu. When I was watching the movie snippets on youtube yesterday, I somehow find that the movie was very familiar. I think I might have watched it before when I was very young which is why it was difficult for me to recall, unlike the drama. I can still remember it clearly! When I was way younger, David Wu was one of my favourite actors so IT IS possible that I've seen the movie. ;)

So, when I got to know there will be a musical adaptation of I Have A Date With Spring at KLPac (told by Cik LiLi, thanks to her!), I just simply want to watch it! Initially we wanted to watch it together but because our time schedule clashed, we couldn't go together and I have to keep finding for people to watch it with me and it wasn't an easy task . In the end, one of my close friends from college said she will watch it with me. Yeay! Straightaway I went and bought the tickets as during that time it was the last day of the 20% discount promotion period.

My "Golden" Tickets

And so, yesterday I went and watched it. To sum it all up, it was AWESOME! I totally love it and enjoy it. Listening to the songs really gave me flashbacks from the drama. Our Malaysian actors and actresses are really talented as they belted out the songs so amazingly, especially Tan Soo Suan who held the lead role of Buttefly Yiu and I didn't know Steve Yap could play the saxophone so well! Oh ya, the guy (I don't know the name) who acted as Fung Ping's son sang really good too. The whole musical was done in Cantonese except for most of the songs were sang in Mandarin. They do have surtitles (is like subtitles) displayed at the top of the stage for those who don't understand. I tried to look at the surtitles and also look down at them acting but I find it so difficult. Luckily I understand what they were saying so I chose not to look at the surtitles after that. So, I guess those who don't know Cantonese, it could create a slight problem.

This is my first time watching a musical live. I've always wanted to watch such performances like musicals, theaters, plays and etc. but not many people my age are into it. So, it can be difficult to find people to go with unless I choose to go alone. During the show yesterday, I was able to glimpse (they switched the light off during this period) how they kept on moving the settings here and there which made me feel so intrigued to know how they came up with the whole concept setting and what happened behind the stage. It somehow brought back my passion to want to go back to the production line. As most of you know, I'm a Mass Communication graduate, majoring in Film & TV. What made me chose the course in the first place was I like to learn about what's going on behind the scene. To put that creativity and effort to produce something so amazing and entertaining is something I always know I really like to do. However, due to some circumstances, I chose my other passion which is writing. That is why I never regret studying what I studied and also never regret getting into publishing line. If only these two passions can be joined together. Someday, perhaps. :)

Something surprising happened during the show. I never thought I will watch it happened in Malaysia. Elsewhere yes, but not in Malaysia. Get this... the actors and actresses during the romantic moment, they ACTUALLY kissed lips to lips, on stage. Amazing, ya? Well, it wasn't the passionate kiss kind but the sweet, gentle kiss on the lips. And I saw this happened 3 times! Bravo! Seriously brought out the real feelings of the characters.

As I mentioned, I love the songs in I Have A Date With Spring. My ultimate favourite was the song with the same title which in the drama, it is very rare to hear it being played often unlike the rest. The reason being, this song is written specially by the male lead for the female lead as a declaration of love and so she doesn't sing it publicly. In the musical, when Soo Suan sang this song, I was blown away. It was simply surreal. And now, I can't get it out of my head. I think it will be going on for few days. I so want the song! Anybody who got it, please send to me!!! Hahahaha...

Next in line: Empress Wu The Musical

After watching my first musical, I can't wait to watch more! In the booklet that the organisers gave to us, there will be a musical on the story of Empress Wu in October 2010. Woohoo! I would like to watch it! Will see how I can make it next year. And I think Tan Soo Suan has just became my idol. LOL! Great show, great night! Awesome-ness!!! :D

After The Episode

2009-10-21T23:56:00.007+08:00

Just a quick one before I'm off to bed. Regarding my boiling episode, well... the steam has all gone off. I was still mad the next day actually. So mad that I seriously felt like throwing things. But of course, I didn't do it. I successfully managed to suppress it without anyone realising it! Superb, right? Hahaha...

Anyways, I re-evaluated whether I should continue to be mad and why is it bothering me so much. In the end, I came out with no answer and I was still feeling mad. But, after a quick IM from the person, the mad feeling just flew out of the window. Damn it! I can't stay mad for long, I guess. *shrugs*

Oh about me being unwell, I felt much better now. I didn't get the symptoms anymore and doesn't feel like sick is coming anytime soon. Even if it does, it's a good time to come now. Last week was bad timing.

Actually, there are things that I want to blog about but my mind is so groggy now that I can't think of anything to type. I guess I better off to bed... *Poof*

Boiling Moment Despite Being Unwell

2009-10-16T23:01:00.004+08:00

I've been quite unwell lately. I think it could be lethargic. However, funny thing is... it comes and goes. Sometimes I feel so weak, feeling like feverish, having cloudy mind and can't really think straight. Other times, I feel quite OK although a bit tired.

The worst thing that happened during my "weak moment" was... I lost control, lost patient and you can say, quite down. But, I wasn't angry or irritated with anything. Just, I lost control of my words as my mind not working properly and I may say something that doesn't feel nice or in short sentences only. I was weak, what do you expect?

However, some person doesn't seem to understand that. Asking me why am I moody. I told that person why BUT the person doesn't seem to be concern about it. Instead, can joke with me. Seriously, I'm not well, which part of the sentence that's so hard to understand??!! Instead of asking, "are you OK?", can make a joke out of it. Have I ever done that to that person when the person is sick? NO! I was concern, checking whether the person is OK and resting well or not.

Seriously, I really feel that when want something from me, can be so terribly nice to me. But when I was so unwell, it feels like it doesn't concern the person at all. I think if I landed in the hospital or if I'm dead, also the person won't bloody care. Then, don't bloody ask me what happen to me if do not care at all. The stab of the heart was... the person said "I'm always like that." Yeah... If I ever do that to the person, I GUARANTEE the person will question me greatly why am I being like that.

It feels like... the person do is OK but when I do it, IT'S NOT OK! I'm also a person, which part of it that's difficult to understand. I can't always be cheerful. I also need someone to cheer me up. And when I'm not well, can't show a little concern? At least, say.. "have a good rest" or "take care" is good enough. This feels like... " you're not well, SO????" Yeah, the topic will always be the person but can't be me at all. Who am I? A piece of dirt?

Yes, I'm seriously f**king mad because the insensitivity is beyond words! I also don't know why I f**king care. Oh ya... because I got soft heart. Oh wait... that person also said got soft heart. I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT! Don't push me to do what I don't want to do. If push till that extend, then it is the person's loss for not knowing how to appreciate and care. For now, I still can be patient, PROBABLY...

P/S: Yes, this a rant for me to let it out. So what?

A New Silver Lining

2009-10-09T01:17:00.004+08:00

Somehow things seem to be clear after meeting up and talking. I got a grasp of what I feel and what I should do. Well... kind of. But it's a start. At least the emotions aren't all built up waiting for the right moment to BOOM! Somehow, I felt at ease, I guess... But how long will this last, I'm not sure. I just hope this new silver lining that I'm looking at won't just be an illusion that I created in my mind.

Nevertheless, having the time to sit down and really talk is worth it. Wouldn't know when will be the next round. Somehow, I appreciate for the time given to me. Thank you. :)

Hoo-ha Monday

2009-10-07T09:26:00.004+08:00

Monday morning started off with such a drama that I was feeling so bad. The night before my phone battery was draining out, which I didn't know at all. I suspect there might be application running which I don't know about. So, in the morning, when the time my alarm should ring, the phone was already shut off which resulted me in waking up late. No wonder I feel why I slept so long the alarm still didn't ring.

When I woke up, it was already 10am! I was like... "SHIT!!". I wanted to call my office BUT the phone cannot start. So, I rushed all the way to office. Once reached office, my boss said to me, "Auntie, you're alive!". They felt relieved. Well, while I was sleeping, my boss and colleagues were worried for me as it is not like me to not inform them that I was going to be late. Usually I'll notify one of my colleagues if I'm going to be late. The worst scenario happened was, they thought I was being kidnapped! One of my colleagues said he saw my car in the basement - super blur of him. So another colleague went down and said didn't see my car at all. Then, when my another colleague called me, she can get through the first time but not the times after that. So, led to the suspicion of me being kidnapped. Coincidentally, the day before my colleague was telling us how there was this guy who was bashed up and robbed at Western Digital near LDP. And since I was working the day before and do pass the Western Digital on my way home, it really sealed the whole suspicion. -.- They were so worried, they even called my brother 3 times.

When I got to know all these, I felt so utterly bad! I apologised to all of them. Boss suggested to treat them to tea-time, I agreed but... boss's wife said don't need for me to pay as it was not my fault at all. And another colleague also said, no need for me to pay. So, in the end... the treat wasn't on me. Now, I have to go get an alarm clock! Such a dangerous thing to happen. Even these 2 days when I sleep I have a bit phobia of won't be able to wake up. Sigh! This incident reminded me of the time when my old Nokia 8250 went dead, and I was late for my Chinese spelling test (I had to take Chinese lessons during my college years). I arrived late and couldn't do the test at all. Same case, alarm didn't ring. :(

On a side note, on Monday night, I was quite pissed about something (won't go into details). I felt stupid. But even if my eyes are open right now, I realised I can still continue to be stupid. I just don't know how to be different now. Supporter said people find me useful, that's why they always come to "use" me. So, it's a compliment rather than a negative thing. Looking from that point of view, I must be a hell of a super useful person. LOL! I think being "used" always is alright as I know I will be able to help them here and there. And also, I did do all those free-willingly. :) However, the sad part that I observed is... I'm only looked for or cared for when they need to "use" me. In conclusion, not appreciative. Now, here's where my stupidity lies. I know it happened to me, I still allow it. So, I got pissed. I talked differently. Sigh... I'm still searching how am I to do things differently now, but yet not lose those people. I don't mean to end anything here, just want to make things better. Sometimes, it's hard to know or to see which is real and which is not. Life is complicated, and that because people made it that way. Don't you think so?

Where's The Money?

2009-09-29T21:07:00.004+08:00

Of late the issue of money is seriously bugging my mind. I need more money!!! I'm not sure is because I spend a lot or things just get much more expensive. I know there's one option that I can take for me to solve this issue. However, I'm not quite ready to take that yet. But I know, deep down... sooner or later I need to move in that direction. I can't forever be stuck in my current situation. I got big plans to achieve that needs more moolah. If only there's a windfall. Yeah... dream on! LOL! I hope for the rest of this year I wouldn't need to spend much. I really, really want to save as much as possible! *prays*

The Day I Chicked Out

2009-09-21T18:56:00.011+08:00

I'm not really an outdoor adventure kind of person but if given a chance, I don't mind to try out some outdoor activities. And so, I decided to go and try the Extreme Challenge at SkyTrex. Knowing that this is the toughest course among the 3 courses that they have, I was kind of scared to try it out. I browsed their website and found out that Extreme Challenge comprises of 22 challenges with 22m high platforms. So basically, we are about 7-storey high. Furthermore, I have the fear of height too. Despite the fear, I still want to try it out! And so, I did it today!

We started by learning how to hook ourselves the proper way on the cables as we will be very high from the ground. A single mistake can literary means death. Then, after practicing on the lower ground, we started on the real thing. And boy, the real thing is seriously high! Climbing the ladder is already streneous as it's pretty high! I can barely take it. I have to stop each time to rest. I guess, when they say I'm lampung, it's true. When it comes to flying fox time, I was really quite scared to let go and just slide down. To those who are not sure what is flying fox, it is actually you hooking on the cable and just release yourself up in the air as you are flying (more like sliding) to the next platform.

So, what I did was... I close my eyes and just let go! When in the air already, I open my eyes and felt, is actually quite OK. However, when I reached to the next platform, I didn't manage to land properly, I was pulled back and got stuck in the middle of the cable. Yes, my first flying fox experience was already so embarrassing. The instructor had to come and rescue me. But, after that... I managed to get the hang it, and guess what, I really like doing it. It was fun! However, after reached the second platform, is time to climb another high ladder. And that's equally tiring again! When I climbed the ladder, I felt my body is going to give up anytime. When I reached the top, I just took a breather right away! I can't go on continuously. After I felt quite OK already, I go on flying again.

The most challenging part for me was, the one where we had to balance ourselves on some round stool-lookalikes, tied together. Although we have a cable for us to hold on, the balancing seriously is not easy. After that, swinging on the rope to the other platform. And that seems like a fear factor challenge to me although it is easy. Guess my fear of height kicked in during that time. After telling myself to just do it, I managed to swing to the other side (that also I almost fell!). Then, came the one crossing/walking on the ropes. You are allowed to only put one foot onto the rope and put the other on the next. So, it requires balancing again. And guess what, at this part... I was practically panicking. I really lost control. But after awhile I got the hang of it. At this point, I really felt like puking! I guess my strength and energy have maxed out. But, I told myself I can do it!

And so, the next one was... the stepping on tube after tube to cross to another platform. And this, I seriously felt like giving up. I lost balance quite a few times and I literary want to puke. My energy and strength have all drained out. And guess what, upon reaching the platform, I lose control and I fell! Luckily, I was hooked onto the cable and was left hanging. But the instructor is nowhere to be found to save me this time! Luckily, a kind civilian helped me out. I tried to pull myself towards him by pulling on the rope nearby. After catching my hand, he tried to pull me towards him and was almost successful, until I managed to sit on the platform a bit but still unstable. He had to forcely pulled me up on the platform and that, I felt so terrible and embarrassing. Terrible because he had to pull the heavy me and embarrasing as I felt seriously so useless and helpless then! After that, I told myself, that's it! I can't climb another ladder or do anything anymore. I'm seriously MAXED OUT! So, I took the Chicken Exit (they are called that, seriously) and quit halfway. Actually, before that, there's a shortcut, to cut all those. If I had gone that, probably I will have some energy left to complete the rest. PROBABLY.

Yes, kind of sad that I couldn't finish it while my other friends made it till the end. My friends were worried for me too, kept on calling where am I and I've also slowed down some people behind me. :( Apparently, after another high climb up the ladder and few more challenges, you're done. But I know, I really can't make it anymore. Really lampung! My upper body strength is completely drained out! So, in order for me to do it again, I need to train my upper body. We plan to do another challenge which is the Big Thrill. In this challenge, lesser climbing on ladders but more on flying fox, which is good. But until then, I really got to buck up and lose more weight! Too heavy to even carry myself, I guess. :P And guess what, my arms are all bruises now, as if I've been abused. LOL! All in all, to me, this is seriously test your strength, fear and agility and... I lose out to strength and agility. I managed to overcome my fear (somehow or rather). At least I can say I chickened out not because I was scared but because, I was completely drained out! :P

Us backed by the forest: 8 successful, 1 failed

P/S: Apparently, the first time they launched the Extreme Challenge, it was 5 hours long (ours about 2+ hours long) and only 3 people managed to complete till the end. The rest have to be saved. Imagine me, long time already collapsed! LOL!

The Day I Batted

2009-09-20T11:48:00.003+08:00

There are 2 games that I love to play but I'm not very pro at them. One is basketball (I'm quite suck at it) and the other is baseball (same, suck at it). When I was in Form 1, I did joined my school basketball team. But I guess the trainings were too streneous and made all of us girls turned darker easily, my friends decided to quit the team and so, I followed. However, during my college days, I joined the basketball team for our extra co-curiculum activity and I did learn some hoop shots which I can admit, I've totally forgotten today! LoL...

Meanwhile, in Form 4, I joined our school softball team. I learned to bat, pitch and catch. It was cool, I'll say. But, I weren't very pro at the game either. Nonetheless, I love the game! So, when I heard 1 Utama, Rooftop has a batting cage, I was very excited to go and try it! Been waiting for quite some time, and I managed to do it yesterday! And the results.. it was cool!!!

All of us tried the softball and baseball batting. Softball is easier to bat because the ball is bigger but, for baseball, the ball is smaller so it can be quite difficult to see it coming towards you. So, how was my performance yesterday? I was not bad! Hahahaha.. Want to try it again the next time!

Patience Probably Pays...

2009-09-18T20:52:00.004+08:00

I've all the while have high tolerance and patience. Especially dealing with those I care about. I try not to be mad at them but instead continue to be the nice person that I am although deep down, I was disappointed with certain things that occurred. Don't get mistaken with hypocrisy ya. I'm definitely not doing that. I just feel, getting angry will just make things uglier. Being calm and talk in a composed manner will make your thoughts to go through effectively.

And so, what happened was... I discovered something that I wished the person had told me personally (bear in mind, the person had said countlessly that will always tell me everything). Instead, I heard it from other source. Of course, I was disappointed. But, I waited because I believe the person WILL tell me eventually. I even went to the extend of bringing up the subject matter so that it will be easy to talk about that story. Sadly, nothing was mentioned. So, I kept it inside me. I treat like nothing has happened.

However, after waited for quite a while and still nothing happened, I took action. I wasn't mad. I said nicely what I think of it and I stopped there. Not wanting to do anything more. Then, instead of apologising for not telling me, I was just told that now problem occurred. So, I wished good luck for solving it. I said since I wasn't told about, I don't think it's appropriate that I got involved. Then, I was accused that I acted like not wanting to know (as if I weren't concern). I was bewildered. I said I've waited and given chances to let the cat out of the bag, but it didn't happen. And now said I weren't interested to know?

So yeah, I was kind of upset BUT I was calm throughout the whole ordeal. However, the other party seemed to be quite freak out which came as a surprise for me. I never expect the person to react that way. The whole situation was projected as if I was going to stay away from that person completely. Even asked me whether things will stay the same anymore. At that point, I realised I had indeed played quite a big part in the person's life. Never have I saw such panic moment happened. Usually, I'm the one being panic all the time!

Although things seemed to settle back to the way it was all the while, I'm still trying out the water whether ways have been changed or not. I really wouldn't want to be slapped by news from other sources. I really want to hear from the horse's mouth! So, probably patience does pay. We'll see... :)

It's Sunday... Crap!

2009-09-13T16:48:00.006+08:00

I wish my friend hasn't asked me the question before (referring to the previous post). Now, I felt like shit crap because... I didn't do anything during my weekend. Before this, I was real OK about it, now I felt so wasted. Great! And thanks to this feeling... I'm going to cultivate my foul mood soon. Double great!

Watching Naruto doesn't help either. :( And, tomorrow will be Monday and guess what.... I have no mood to work! Can anything gets any better? Argh! Suddenly I hate this pathetic life. FML!

P/S: At least I use the uber popular "FML" right. :P

Blessing In Disguise?

2009-09-11T13:16:00.003+08:00

I'm not too sure whether it is a blessing in disguise or what but, somehow my initial trips to Genting and Penang, one week after another, are all cancelled! And it happened when I just found myself in a tight financial situation (well, kind of). So, I managed NOT to spend. However, we are still planning to replace that Penang trip with a Plan B, but that is not confirmed yet. What's confirmed, my money is still safe in the bank. LOL! So, I weren't too disappointed. Worst to worst, just balik kampung! Hahaha..

Just only I had a conversation with a friend of mine. She was asking what I do during my weekends. And after describing to her, it seemed somehow, I lead an anti-social life. Or so it seems. Then she told me that we should live life to the fullest while we are young as we do not want to look back when we get older that we've missed out on many things. Well, I do agree with her on that BUT it is not that I'm making myself not wanting all that. I've always game on doing most activities, the problem lies with... no kaki to do with. So, it's not I chose to lead such a life, it just somehow happened!

Yes, I guess my past did lead to the present me today. It does bring a certain effect. But, to be who I am today compared to before, I am proud to have achieved it. And with that, I should be grateful to be where I am and with how my life is. I guess to each its own when comes to this. I admit that of course I want to paint the town red always. It's fun! But, you do need companions to do that with and not to mention, moolah which I'm seriously lack of in both of that departments.

So, in the end.. I just live life the way it has already been. And she asked, wouldn't you want to make things better? Of course I want... but opportunity wasn't there to make things better. But one thing I know, being envious won't do any good. Just accept the package life gives you and live with it. What do you say?

A Total Saturday Day Out

2009-09-06T12:34:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was certainly a total day out for me! Started off with attending a tour at Wellness Resort at Mines there with Cik LiLi and her dear to check out their latest addition to the resort - a screening test facility centre (I think can be called this?). Well, from the outlook the resort didn't really impress much. It looked like some rundown resort that doesn't have much modal to splurge on maintanance (this is my thought). When you enter the lobby, you can literary feel the heat and it was smoky (it smelled like someone just cooked a kebab or something). I much preferred to stay in the toilet where it is air-conditioned! Hahaha..

However, when our "tour guide" brought us to check out their latest medical centre, I have to admit that I was impressed with it. Actually the centre functions just about the same like you go and take your medical check up at any hospital. Only difference is... in this centre you can also enjoy their sauna, spa and steam room for you to relax while undergoing your medical check-up. There's even a juice bar for you. Unlike in hospitals where you'll feel all stress up in a solemn environment that hospitals have, here, it is more like a pampering session but I'm sure you'll be stressed out when comes to checking up the condition of your body. And if western medical is not your thing, you can have another option which is the chinese medical. I much prefer western, thank you. :P

Apparently, this facility centre has already been available in the Palace of the Golden Horses (under the same management with the resort) and Mount Kiara (if I'm not mistaken). So, the new centre in Wellness Resort is like a new addition with more advanced equipment. And get this, if you signed up as a member, you can enjoy the other facilities in the resort and Palace like swimming pool, gym, tennis court and etc.

So, after knowing how well the centre works, of course is time to talk about the money, right? Here's the catch. If you want to know more about the cost, you have to make the decision of saying Yes to joining or No to not joining at that very moment. Yes, you do not have any option to go back and think. In this case, I felt the resort is actually trying to pressurise people to invest in them. We felt this handling method is kind of dishonest as... not everyone is bloody rich to just simply throw out their money. We do need to budget properly, right? In the end, we chose not to join. I personally do not have any extra money to spend, although I admit that the centre does look promising. And when the cost was disclosed a little, it did sound affordable but I'm not sure what other catch they might have. Before leaving, we were given some complimentary vouchers which I don't know when I will use it. LoL!

So, after our tour, we went to quench our thirst at Midvalley! In Midvalley, I received a call from one of my closest friend to invite me to go and celebrate one of our friend's birthday at Phuture in Zouk. Since I've got some kaki going, I said sure, why not since I've not been to the new Zouk. After having dinner with Cik LiLi and her dear, and saying our goodbyes, I quickly have a quick bath and changed to something nice to join up with my girlfriends. Long story short, we in the end ended up in Velvet Underground and just party the night away with 17 of us. I came back at 4+ am with a tired and aching legs (too much dancing!) but had a fun-filled party night. Something that doesn't come by very often especially I've mentioned once before I can never hit the KL night scene. So, 3 cheers to that! :D

After My Break...

2009-09-03T22:34:00.002+08:00

In the end, I got my well-deserved break. I basically went back home and just be anti-social. I don't feel like going out until I've forgotten to tell some people that I'm back. (I only reminded about 3 people). In the end, I missed out on some outings. Oh well, I wasn't socially well-liked, so it's common that people tend to forget me until I remind them of my existence. Somehow I don't know whether to be sad about it or don't be bothered at all. After all, all these years... I've been like that. Oh well, I won't be dwelling on that now.

Before my break, I was literary like a timebomb. A little bit of things can just trigger me off. But now, I'm much more calm. I guess staying home, watching 2 TVB dramas, 2 DVDs do help me to be a much composed person. But, I got to admit, during the first day of my break, my anger was challenged and believe me, it went a little bit overboard. I guess, I stored too much anger for quite a while that, it just blew off. But right now, I'm back to my cool, calm self.

During my break, I allowed myself to be hopeful and start to think of happy thoughts. Well, I was kept delusional for awhile until today, I found out some truth. Of course I was bewildered. And anger crept in. But just only I had a conversation with my friend about anger doesn't resolve anything. I told myself not to let my emotions to overtake my rational thinking. I got to be calm and think of how I should pursue the issue and not to be duped again. I just want to know the complete truth and no lies. But sometimes, when things just seem so fine, uncovering some things like this will just knock of that everthing-is-going-fine-at-the-moment situation. Quite tough.

Oh well.. I'll try my best to uncover what I'll manage to. And about me being anti-social, I wonder whether it comes with the age. I'm not too sure but I feel, I'm too young to be anti-social! But, I admit that there are things that made me the way I am to a certain people. It was me from the past that made this happen. Well, I guess I just need to stick to what I've always been then. *Shrugs* :)

I Need A Break!

2009-08-24T13:47:00.003+08:00

Disclaimer: This might offend people. In whatever ways, I don't know. Just in case it does, I'm putting this disclaimer first.

The whole week I was feeling damn restless and easily annoyed. The reason I'm being like this because, I haven't had enough rest! I need some time-out and a break. Or not, I'm going to ruin everything... FAST.

Before I'm getting that rest, I've been:

Easily annoyed with people talking to me about mundane things. Although I admit I had successfully control my emotions, I don't know how long it will last.

Also easily annoyed with people asking too many questions! Seriously, there are limits to what you should ask and to what I want to keep it to myself. I don't intend to tell everything. So, don't ask everything.

Easily irritated with things that I used to find humorous but not now.

Get annoyed with people who can't make up their mind and tell me what they want. I really don't like beating the bush.

Get annoyed with people who can just so easily make plans with you without thinking they can REALLY make it or not.

Feeling agitated and tend to think what I shoudn't think about.

On normal circumstances, I'm patient with all these. I can enlighten them easily. But now, I can at times feel like strangling myself to endure all that. So yes, without sufficient rest, I can really be like a lioness. Question is... how long can this lioness control its temper?

Nothing Beats Having Good Friends Around You!

2009-08-19T22:45:00.011+08:00

I know I should have blog about my birthday celebration as soon as it was over, but somehow... I thought I should wait till I've celebrated enough. Cehwah... like I damn popular got super a lot of celebrations like that. Not shy! Hahahaha...

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has looked at my facebook to discover the funny photos during my birthday. LOL! As like every year for the past 3-4 years, I expect to do nothing on my birthday. Well, technically... half of the day was spent on doing laundry, cleaning my room and watch TV. Initially I thought I will have plan in the morning, but it didn't happen. Sadly. However, night time was the one where my Cik LiLi organised it for me, joining in by my other good friends and cousin who want to celebrate for me. I feel SUPER BLESS to have them. I love you all!!!! Muakss~~~

The night started out with the usual dinnering at Souled Out (my first time there!). However, when the time the fugly hat was put on top of my head, things started to go crazy. They were VERY amused to see me with that fugly white-hair hat that cover half of my eyes. Oh well... being a good spirited person that I am (ehem... praising myself), I obliged all of them! Wahahaha... No la.. is all part of having fun, right? NO MATTER how RETARDED I look in that hat, I still enjoyed my birthday dinner. Once again, thanks guys!! And I also ate lots of cherries that night, which really made me feel like I'll have diabetes. LOL! And I got a souvenir from the restaurant. They took a photo of us and gave it to me as rememberance which is now resting next to my monitor. Everyday looking at the funny and happy faces of all of them can just cheer me up! :D I should get a photo frame, eh? Hahahaha..

Next day, was a little celebration from my company people. Like every year since I worked there, we went and have company lunch and then adjourned to cutting cake session. And also, like every year, the celebration is shared by my colleague who has the same birthday as me. And like every year, we shared the cake, blew the candles together and cut the cake together. I think my company people enjoy seeing us holding the same knife together, hand in hand. LOL! But still, I appreciate that my company celebrates each of our birthdays. Can check out the photos in my facebook. Here's how my 2nd cake looks like. :)

This year, I received something that is money can't buy but it came late, the next day. Probably felt guilty for forgetting! :P It was something that I didn't expect it to happen and I feel VERY HAPPY to receive it. Appreciate it lots! Anyone wants to know what it is.. sorry, IT'S A SECRET!!! Wahahaha.. :P

I've received many wishes through smses, MSN and on my Facebook wall. Really happy to know everyone is very excited about my birthday AND some actually remembered! My mum even put, "I love you" in her sms. Sweet ler~~~ Hahaha.. So far, my present is a Supergirl shirt from Cik LiLi and my cousin. I think I need to lose more weight to fit in nicely. I'll gambateh, babe! Hahahaha... And the dinner that night was paid by my friends. I feel so bad to have all of them to pay for that! Thanks, thanks, thanks!! Then, Kee said she got something for me too!! OMG, can't believe it. I haven't get to see it but I know I'll love it regardless of what! The thought is truly what matters. Thank you!! Next, collect angpows from parents! Wahahaha.. I'm so bad. :P

This weekend is supposedly to have round 2 of my birthday celebration. But I'm not sure it will happen or not. Nevertheless, I felt truly grateful to have my beloved close friends and cousins to share their excitement over my big day every year! Without you guys, I'll be rotting while watching the day just passed on. With this, from the bottom of my heart, I'll say.. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! I LOVE YOU ALL LOTS!!! HUGS & KISSES!!

Question: So, how do I feel turning the quarter?

Answer: Hmm, thinking I should start taking care of myself by indulging in supplements and start looking for anti-aging products! Hahahaha...

Otanjou-bi Omedetou!

2009-08-16T00:40:00.003+08:00

I'm officially a quarter of century today! Hahaha.. Actually, nothing to be proud about. It just means I'll have more aches and more problems occuring. But, what's best... I'll have another level of maturity to handle all those problems. Hurray to maturity! I really hope I'm as matured as I think I am (what do you think?). But, I still want to continue to be youthful. Look young but think matured! That's what I'm looking forward for. :P

Ok la... since it's my big day, I should make my wish! I wish for...... MORE MONEY!! So, faster give me angpows (with money inside, please!)! Hahaha...

I think ah.... I'm starting to be crappy already. What to do, been sleepy since 10pm! I think I should hit the sack and dream I'm celebrating with Jien! Wahahaha.. That's truly IN MY DREAMS!!

Anyways, Otanjou-bi Omedetou!! ;)

Sigh!

2009-08-03T22:57:00.003+08:00

Over the weekend, I had a short-worth happy moment. It is something that I didn't expect it to happen but it did. However, as the weekend is over, I need to be back to reality. I have to know where to draw the line and where to put the full stop.

All this while, I thought what I did was worth it because I did get the recognition that I think I deserved. But, just today, I received a blow that was told out of emotional. That really hurt me as I felt all my efforts were not appreciated. And to put me in another category that just doesn't justified me, really made me sad.

Although apology was given, I still felt the hurt. Probably I need more time to heal this blow. But this just shows that what I've been anticipating will never come. My role won't get bigger as it is. Right now, I don't know what my role is anymore.

What is expected from me, seriously? Haven't I done enough to prove myself? Sighs!

Grateful + Happy!

2009-07-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

Last 2 days, I've got to know of my importance. All this while, I weren't sure where I stand but 2 days ago, confirmed my existence. It was very unexpected because I didn't imagine that I will have such an impact especially all the while I couldn't see it for myself. But it seems all the efforts that I've poured out weren't worthless at all. They were somehow appreciated. With this, I'm very, very grateful and happy to be made of such importance. It is the moment that I will remember forever. Hope it is also the turn for better changes. =)

About my knee... this morning I woke up feeling so much better. I even test to jump to see whether I was really better. It seemed OK in the morning. However, during lunch time, the pain came back. Well, guess what. It's the effect of the painkillers. Once it wears off... the pain came back. Great! Now, it seems like I have to hang on to the painkillers. Wondering when will my knee ever get well. Hmmm.....

Sad News!

2009-07-29T23:48:00.004+08:00

After my terrible muscle pull had gone, now came another pain. I'm like someone who's seriously problematic. I still continue to do some running for 2 weeks already. But, now I have to stop because... I've injured my knee cap. I know, seriously I'm full of pains. WTF, right?

The pain can be unbearable when I kneel down and I can't walk properly. Even descending stairs can be painful. So, after few days I find the pain didn't subside, I went and see the doctor. Guess what the doctor had to say! He said the knee is a very important part of the body (like I don't know) and he said because of my weight, the knee couldn't take it and thus, easily injured. So, he's saying I'm HEAVY la! Sobs!

Then I told him, I know I'm heavy. That's why I start doing running which led to me being injured. Then he told me he is also a dietician. If I'm interested to do any diet programmes, can consult him. And, he can add on some more about laser treatment (for my face, after looking at my face). So, I'm wondering is he trying to do sales with me or I'm seriously THAT heavy.

Anyhow, I don't think I'm going to consult him on that diet programme. I'm now on budget, so consulting him would mean spending money. I'll just get on with my own method, which I've been doing for the past years. Though results MAY be a bit slower, I'm sure there WILL be results. ;)

But, the sadness still doesn't fade away after listening to what he told me about my condition. Still questioning, am I SERIOUSLY that heavy until can injured my knee? Hmmm....

Miyano Mamoru's Break!

2009-07-27T20:44:00.007+08:00

Those who along with me follow up on anime will know that I am utterly crazy over Miyano Mamoru. He's my favourite seiyu of all time! I have countless of times been in love with his voice each time he voiced the characters in the animes. Now, I even have the habit to download those animes that he voiced in. And since he's gaining lots of popularity these days, those animes are usually hit animes. Even more cool! :D

With such a good voice, is only a matter of time before he'll release his own solo album. Although he did sing for some of the characters' songs, nothing beats releasing his own. AND, here it is! His own debut album named Break. The album actually was released on 11 March 2009 but only today as I was reading his wiki page (they really, really should change his picture there! Never do justice to him! Gosh!) did I found out about it. After knowing his album is out, I straightaway went and download it! And now as I'm typing this, I'm listening to him singing... Sedap! :P

As I'm now watching Gundam 00 Season 2, I can't help picturing Setsuna F Seiei as I am listening to his songs. I know, damn weird! Hahaha... His album is actually not bad at all though there's still room for improvement, of course. But so far, they are pleasing to hear. Gambateh, Mamoru! ;)

Final Farewell To Yasmin

2009-07-26T01:44:00.006+08:00

I think to those who know how wonderful Yasmin Ahmad is in the local film and advertising industry, will be sadden to know of her passing. I, for one was totally shocked! When I first heard of her "death" earlier on Thursday, I was practically stunned! But after that, it was said that she didn't pass away but was in ICU because she had a stroke. Thinking and wishing that she'll be well again, the sad news came when I know that she had passed away on 25 July (yesterday).

Yes, our beloved storyteller has passed away and our film and advertising industry had lost such a creative and one-off talented person. When Sepet came about, I was thinking... yes! our local film industry is finally seeing in a different light now (although controversy still exist here and there). To me, I feel she was our "ticket" in bringing our local film industry to the next level.

Unfortunately, she has to leave us far too soon. No matter what, she will always, always be remembered! Thanks to her, I feel there is still hope for our local film and advertising industry. Rest In Peace, Yasmin! We will always love and miss you!! :)

P/S: Here was my entry dedicated to her about 2 years ago.

What Did I do....

2009-07-19T17:35:00.013+08:00

I saw Jien again! Well, not the face to face kind but, I saw him, that's the bottom line. =) I went to Shout Awards last Friday. For those who weren't aware what is Shout Awards... well, is an award ceremony dedicated to our local entertainment industry. It was shown live on 8TV! I definitely saw many of my favourite local celebrities besides Jien, there were Daphne Iking (she looked stunning!), Naz, Aflin Shauki, Marion Caunter (she won Hot Chick Award, not surprising), Jaclyn Victor (she paid tribute to Michael Jackson by singing his songs with Reefa), Paul Moss (love him!), Syafinaz and etc. There was also the international star, Sean Kingston but I'm not a fan of his so, going there is all solely, purely for JIEN!! =P

Shout Awards stage

At first I have zero intention to attend the award show. Heck, I don't even know Jien was hosting the show. SHY SHY SHY!!! But Ping was telling me that she was going there and I told her to take picture of Jien if she sees him. She also didn't know that Jien was going. But after much "investigation", we found out Jien was one of the main hosts, and she told me she got one extra ticket. So, with a quick decision making, I've decided to attend the show after all, without knowing how to get to Stadium Putra Bukit Jalil. But, in the end, I made it to the show although got lost a little! =D

Marion & Jien (can't get any upclose shots of Jien)

Then on Saturday, I went to the Bon Odori Festival at Shah Alam for the first time. I've heard of this festival since my college days but never have I attended it once. So, thought of attending this year. How was it like? I wouldn't say it was ultimately fun. It was mediocre. But according to some people, few years ago, it was real fun. Wonder what happen to the standard of the festival. We did managed to grab some Japanese food ( I think the highlight of the festival is the food. Hahaha!). And, we saw many people wearing yukata to the festival. Aih.. how I wish I have one too! =P

Bon Odori's dance performance

Small little girl wearing yukata

You know how some words can impact you real great? Well, I've experienced that too during the weekend. It does made me feel like over the moon but I told myself not to be too happy over it. You'll never know when you might get disappointed again. Although the situation shows that things have come a little bit closer than before, it could all just be my imaginary only. Guess, I'll just enjoy that moment and don't put so much hope after that. =)

Something light for the weekend. Check out this music video by Wilber Pan. I'm not such a huge fan of Wilber (though he's cute!), but I'm a huge fan of Lee Da Hae, the Korean actress! She looks hot in here! Yumz! Wilber Pan or Will Pan with Dance For Two

I've Won!!

2009-07-16T20:52:00.008+08:00

I've never won anything big before. The most I won was movie tickets from cinemaonline magazine. And that's all. Even before when I was younger, I have countlessly entered the contests in Galaxie magazine but yet, I've never won anything there.

However, today... something BIG happened! I won a prize worth RM500!!! I never expect to win it when I entered the contest. I submitted my entry on the last day of the contest thinking that I will never win it at all. I know that I'm not that lucky. Supporter said probably not many people entered the contest, that's why I can win. I told him, if it's true..then I am lucky to have won! Hahaha... I couldn't believe that I really won when I first saw the results. I asked my friends to see whether my name is SERIOUSLY there and I'm not dreaming at all! They said it's there, is really MY NAME! LOL!!

So, what have I won? Here's a look at it... I'll be picking up my prize on next Monday possibly, and then I'll take a picture of it and post it up here (if I'm hardworking la! :P)

P/S: I censored the winners' names, have to keep privacy ma... :P

Update

Tadah! My winning prize. :D

Just When I'm So Keen On It

2009-07-15T20:58:00.004+08:00

When I wanted to be healthy again, I'm struck with a barrier. Remember got one time, I fell down and fractured my arm because I started to go swimming? Now, I started running and I have major muscle pull! It's freaking pain each time I walk! Now, I'm walking like a duck! Sob sob! Putting yoko yoko doesn't help either. =( I'm now resting my legs as I've been doing runs and playing badminton for the past 3 days and it's making my pain worst. Hopefully will cure in these 2 days. Since I'm full of spirit to be healthy, I can't just slack off or not my motivation will just dies off! Hahaha....

So, what made me want to be healthy suddenly? I realised my body is becoming ill. I feel fine but.... I can have sudden aches out of nowhere. So, in order to continue to be youthful, I need to stay healthy. Hopefully, it is not a case of.... hangat hangat tahi ayam! Hahahaha...

So peeps.. wish me good health and faster cure my bloody muscle pull! =P

First For July

2009-07-10T20:07:00.004+08:00

I've been abandoning my blog for far too long. Not that I was too busy or anything. It's just... I seriously got nothing to blog about. Guess no one has been pissing me off! Hahaha...

Of course, I still have my old issues running in my head, but I decided to just stop thinking about them too much. Whatever will be, will be. Que Sera Sera. Hopefully with this kind of thinking, I'll be better of.

I've been wanting to watch Zac Efron's 17 Again. But seriously, with my limited connection of friends, want to find a single person to watch with is so difficult. Well, actually I found one but she was too busy to catch a movie. =( And also, people tend to forget to ajak me to movies! Sob sob.. Anyway, I just went ahead and watch alone! Who cares! Zac is such a drool-worthy! Yumz! Hahaha... I also finally watched Transformers! I quite like it actually. I find the movie is cool! There are lots of actions in it and you can actually see the transformers in battle compared to the first movie where you don't know what's going on until someone crash boom bang. But storyline and plot wise, there's nothing much going on. But it's OK! The main purpose is to watch the Transformers! Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and... JetFire! Cool old guy! ;)

The last time I partied was during Chinese New Year, I think. Can't really recall. So, it was really fun to be able to party again last weekend. I think it is credited to good music and good company. Funny folks that can make you laugh all night and be crazy! It seems I can only party in Malacca. Due to yet, my limited connection of friends, I can't seem to hit the KL scene. What's wrong with me?! Attitude problem, probably. LoL!

Weekend is here and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've no plans! Damn shit. Probably rot myself in the room. The more I write, the more pathetic my life sounds. OK, I should stop now before I decided to hang myself. Nah... just kidding. =P

Farewell For Now, LDG!

2009-06-23T00:24:00.003+08:00

As a disclaimer first, this post is dedicated to one of my all-time favourite Korean actors, Lee Dong Gun because it was just recently reported that he'll be enlisted to the army next month for 2 years! Oh no, no Lee Dong Gun for 2 WHOLE years. Going to miss him lots! Hopefully when the 2 years is over, he'll be back to the entertainment scene! He's such a good actor that it is really a shame if he didn't continue acting then.

While I was browsing for his songs on YouTube (Yes, he sings too!!), I stumbled upon this MTV where he starred in it. He looks so HOT here! Yumz! The song is also catchy. ;) Not to mention the title is so coincides with his departure BUT I won't say it's final.

The Last Farewell by Big Bang

I wish for his return to the K-drama scene soon! Dong Gun-Oppa, Sarang Ae! :P

Going to miss his dopey eyes and smile! :P

Nokia N97

2009-06-13T22:13:00.006+08:00

Many months ago, if some would have remembered, I blogged about the Sony Ericsson Xperia - the IT phone during its launch. But after looking and feeling the real thing in my hand, it doesn't impress me like how it does on the website. So, I scratched the idea of owning such an expensive and high-tech phone.

Nokia N97

The Nokia N97 has been creating a buzz among my office people. When I catch the first glimpse of it, its features somehow drawn to me. I have to admit, what impresses me first was the qwerty keyboard. Then when I got to know more of its functions and features - Facebook & Friendster applications, Wi-Fi, 5.0 megapixel, GPS and loads more to discover, it does create a desire in me.

So, in the end... I REALLY WENT AND BOUGHT IT! It really cost me a BOMB! Like serious MAJOR BOMB! Not to say I am regretting to get the phone. But somehow, I wasn't very excited about it. Firstly I know those around me would say I am crazy to pay such a price for a phone. And worst, scold me for buying it. Well, some really did scolded me crazy! Although it actually is my money that I am spending, with them scolding me really made me feel even more down. I was already in an aftershock state as I never bought something so expensive for myself before. I don't spend so much on myself except for the time I bought my car. My aftershock state even went into making me only slept for 3 hours. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep back. =(

Lucky thing, there are a few friends who were supportive. They told me not to be so disappointed about it. Once awhile I should pamper myself and treat like I am rewarding myself. After all, I am spending my hard earn money on myself. Furthermore, I don't change phone always. Thanks to them, I am feeling a tad bit better. =)

The one person whom I'm afraid will scream at me was my mother. BUT surprisingly, she didn't scream at me at all. She was speaking to me normally and saying why I buy such an expensive phone where I could have just save the money. Well, to make my money worth, I am going to use this phone for a long time. I'm estimating about 3-5 years. Yes, I know what's the price I am paying it for and I'm going to make sure I'll utilise it often. So, please please, can stop calling me crazy ah? I'm really turning crazy, you know?

Anyhow, I'm now beginning to accept the fact that I am now owning an N97. It takes time. With all the negativity around me, it takes MORE time. I just want to pass this period calmly. I don't want to suffer anymore aftershock just because I bought an N97. So, I hope everything will just die down after this and let me be in peace with my phone. I'm hoping for that!

Nothing's Change

2009-06-09T21:08:00.003+08:00

Things can be simple for me. You ask me a question, I can answer you honestly. If you don't ask me, I'll keep it to myself. But weirdly, people can make things complicated out of my simple nature self. I figure why want to make things hard when they can be easily solved? Pride? Ego? Not used to? What??

When I'm ready to solve things, the other party is not. So, what can I do but to just let it be as it is? I don't want to complicate things till they turn ugly. What I can do is to live with how things are already what they are. If somehow approaching the matter doesn't work, might as well accept it and adapt it. Yes, it's difficult to go through all that but that is the best option that I can find.

Although I've already made my decision, somehow I still can't understand why want to make things difficult when they are actually quite simple. Sigh! Anyway, I hope everything is OK as we said it is. Nothing's change.

Sarang Ae Boys Before Flowers

2009-06-01T22:47:00.011+08:00

Boys Before Flowers

Whenever I am feeling down, I always occupied myself with watching some dramas or movies to distract my mind and possibly, to shed some tears. I was quite thankful that when I was hit by my down period, I was following the current hit Korean drama, Boys Before Flowers.

Boys Before Flowers is actually the Korean version of the manga, Hana Yori Dango or some might know it better with its Taiwanese version, Meteor Garden. So basically I know how the storyline goes but yet, I still watch the 3 versions - Taiwanese, Japanese and Korean. When Meteor Garden was a hit drama then, I was probably still in secondary school. I remembered F4 then was so popular that I too was hit with the F4 wave. When the Japanese version - Hana Yori Dango appeared, I was in college then. And finally, when the Korean version came up with its own edition, I'm now working already. So these 3 versions really went through my time transition.

If you were to ask me which I like best, seriously I can't tell. Three of them have their own attraction. I find three of them are good on its own. Each of the version brings out their own uniqueness despite sharing the same storyline. But, I got to admit, among the F4 of the 3 versions, the Korean F4 is distinguishably the most good looking ones. Especially Lee Min Ho who acted as the leader of F4. What attracted me is very much his cute good looks and height (185cm!) and, an acting skill to boot too. I'm such a sucker for guys with height. LOL! Second after Lee Min Ho is Kim Bum. Although he's not as tall as Lee Min Ho, but he still is tall (181cm!) and he has that killer smile that can make any girls swoon! And of course, he's quite a good actor too. The rest of the F4 are not too bad either. Kim Hyun Joong's looks actually grow on me slowly especially when he cut his hair short. So cute then! Hahaha...

The Boys Before Flowers' soundtrack is superb. Among the 3 versions, I like the Korean soundtrack the most. The songs are really moving and suitable for each of the scenes that are being played. It is so perfectly match that I actually could tear, which I really need it then. Even if I'm just listening to the songs only, I still can tear. Damn! One of the songs is by SS501 titled Because I'm Stupid really really is a spot on song for me. Why? Well, it's for me to know, for you to find out! Hahaha...

Although I've finished the whole drama, I'm still having a little withdrawal symptom where I'm still hangover over the show! I want to watch Lee Min Ho again! Hahahaha.. Besides Lee Min Ho, the whole drama really saved me from being even more down. Good timing to be watching it, I'll say! Hahaha.. Hopefully I'll be able to watch more of Lee Min Ho's acting while Kim Bum is set to be shooting a few dramas already. Can't wait! Sarang Ae Boys Before Flowers! Hahaha... =P

Losing End

2009-05-24T22:09:00.004+08:00

Today I discovered something that I wish the person would have told me. Instead I have to hear it from somebody else. Although many may deem it as a small matter, and I myself agree that it is, I figured when it comes to that person, no matter how small it is, we still will share. Probably all this while it was me the only one who has been sharing. That's why I feel, no matter what, I'm still at the losing end.

Time and time again I was reckon to be someone who treat people good. But, why is it treating people good and still be at the losing end? What went wrong? I still don't understand. Probably I'm just easily forgotten. Or maybe I'm easily taken advantage of.

Now, I don't know how to compose myself. I'm not sure being angry is a wise thing to do. Or pretend nothing is wrong is the better option. I really am dumbfounded. But one thing I do know, I'm feeling disappointed. I've been disappointed again. How do you mend that?

I Still Survive!

2009-05-23T02:21:00.007+08:00

Two years ago, an anonymous person came and commented in my blog saying I should seek professional help because of the way I kept on posting emotional and negative entries, which I still do till today. When I told him/her that I'm a strong person despite all my complaints on how suck life is, he/she called me a liar, making me someone who is in denial. I wrote a super lengthy reply to him/her proving that I don't give up on life although life at that moment was damn sucky, because I have dreams to pursue and I'm a fighter all the way. You guys should read the comments as I didn't know I could voice out so boldly! LOL!

The line that struck out now was this, "I will still hope to read your blogs in 5 years time to see whether you can prove to yourself what you'd said in here." Well, it has already been 2 years and guess what... I still have not committed suicide! I do not have depression nor am I on drugs, alcohol or am anorexic. In fact, I gotten myself a realiable job and I've ballooned. I don't think the dear anonymous is still reading my blog, but I just want to share this eventful incident that happened 2 years ago as it really brings back memories. Supporter and Swee Ping really supported me then! Thanks again, guys!

I got to admit, 2 years ago I was a real moaner. But, I've grown to shut my mouth although at times I do need to let my emotions out. I've learned that there's no point in complaining as it will just make you more upset. Is either you do something about it or you just accept how things have gone. Throughout last year and this year, the people in my life have started to change as I felt the distance between us. Although it did got me sadden to see such thing happened and I was unhappy for a period of time to see that our strong relationship has drifted apart. I tried my best to be back to how things were, but I guess... you just can't clap with one hand.

Thus, I've accepted the shits that had happened. I accepted that things change. I accepted that there are things that are not meant for me. Things that I wish so hard to obtain, but they will never come to me. Although I still got pissed at life occasionally, I'm still living it just because.... I'm anticipating for better things to come. I hope one day the people around me would treasure me as I have treasure them so much. I hope one day.... I'll be able to live life to the fullest.

But right now, I'll still continue to fight. I've passed the quarter life crisis already and I'm thankful that I've survived from that. It wasn't a walk in the park during that time. But, I made it on my own. Building myself up and making myself feel more numb towards life-changing experiences. So, to the anonymous who "predicted" I will be in a slump, I'm glad that you got that wrong. Because, seriously... I wouldn't want you to be right. I won't change my ways of venting my negative and emotional feelings out here because I don't find anything wrong with that. If that's the way to make me feel better, I don't see why not just continue doing it. :)

I don't know why am I writing this all out at this hour which I should actually be in bed. I guess is the song that I'm listening to now that made me to be in such a "life discovery" mode to write. Anyhow... just to share the bits of my blog's biggest highlight. Not sure whether Supporter remember that time or not. For the first time.... I got 20 freaking comments for one entry! Amazing! Hahaha...

How I Felt Then

2009-05-18T21:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I can just get so sick of life. So sick of living it. I don't know how or when things started to not go right. Maybe I am in my “element” which made me rather pissed. Yes, look positive, people always say that. But how can one always look positive when things always turn out negative? Probably it was part of my doing that things don't go right. Or maybe it was fated to be this way.

I always think it is retribution. Retribution to what I had done before. I just need to pay my price. I always think if you do good, people will do good to you too. You don't be so stringent, people will open up to you too. So, did it bring any benefit? I don't see how it does now. If I start to change, I feel guilty to myself. If I don't change, I'll get pissed every time. So, how the f**k to live life right?

Note: This was drafted in the afternoon when I was feeling f**king sien. But I'm feeling a tad bit better now. :)

The Little Nyonya

2009-05-18T21:04:00.004+08:00

The Little Nyonya

I've heard this Singapore drama before but I didn't manage to watch it till last weekend where I marathoned the complete 34 episodes in just 2days! I was surprised that I managed to do it as well. But it does come with a price. I became socially withdrawn and got myself lack of sleep. I just didn't feel like going out of the house. As soon as I opened my eyes, I started my marathoning until about 4-5am. It's crazy, I know!

What can I say about the drama? I didn't really get all teary over the show. Weird because the drama supposed to be very sad and pitiful as the main character was ill-treated the whole time! Probably Singaporeans still can't outbeat the Koreans when comes to tear-jerker dramas! Hahaha.. Anyhow, I learned more about my heritage from this drama. They don't speak Bahasa Peranakan but instead Mandarin, which I think it's good since not all of them are Peranakan themselves, it's better for them to not butcher the beautiful language. Good move!

Many didn't like the ending of the show. But for me, it is acceptable. However, if it was a happier ending, I would much prefer la. Nevertheless, such an ending just draws us back to reality that... you can't just have everything. And happily ever after ending will only happen in fairytales. Eventhough the main character didn't get what she should have, she did managed to lead a good life on her own. So, it's acceptable for me.

The character I like most is Chen Xi! Ok, maybe I just like the actor who acts as him. LOL! Although at first look, you wouldn't catch him as someone who can easily attracts you but the looks will grow on you after that. Aside from that, Chen Xi is such a good-hearted and loyal person that it really made me cringed when Yue Niang kept on rejecting him. Poor Chen Xi.

My take on the drama - a good watch to know more about the Peranakan culture. But the cruelty of some of the characters are beyond words. I think it's just an exaggeration to make the main character looks more pitiful. But, as they say, what goes around, comes around is true. So, those cruelties are paid off eventually. This I would say... Padan Muka! Hahaha...

To know more, read it all here.

Survived Bangkok!

2009-05-05T21:11:00.006+08:00

I survived Bangkok! After all the objections of me going to Bangkok from my parents, I was still determined to go and came back alive and kicking! It was my first time sitting the airplane all by myself and I proud to say, I weren't that blur! I still know my way. Thank God! But I did almost missed my plane when I was heading back to Malaysia. Lucky thing I managed to run and got in the plane in the nick of time! It wasn't my fault, ya! Someone was hogging the queue while checking in which made me to be almost late.

Anyway, I didn't manage to do any sight-seeing in Bangkok. The 4 days I was there was solely for shopping only. Not to say I'm such a shopaholic. Tips to those who are looking forward to Bangkok. Spend a day in Platinum Fashion Mall is enough. You will get all the dose of shopping that you need. The shopping complex has 6 floors dedicated to clothes, accessories, shoes and etc. One floor has like dozens of shops. It is just THE PLACE to go for shoppers.

I didn't manage to go to Chatchuchak, the big market that only opens on the weekend. As I said 4 days just weren't enough to cover all the famous places. Instead we managed to go to another alternative of Chatchuchak which is Suam Lun Night Bazaar. There are lots of shops at this bazaar too, not to mention food. The bazaar is quite alright though some of the stuff selling there can be more expensive than what we saw in Platinum.

We all know that Bangkok is also famous for the "night scene". We wanted to watch the indecent shows that they are famous for at Patpong but since we were there with our relative, we simply can't suggest that we wanted to visit such shows, right? So, we missed the chance although I did caught a glimpse of the girls wearing just bikinis, standing on the poles in the clubs as I walked pass. However, we did managed to go for a full body massage. After 2 days of shopping, our feet are really painful! We paid 200baht for 1 and half hour massage. Not a bad price, right? But seriously, it was painful when the lady massaged my back and she stretched my body in ways that I didn't know I could do! Hahaha...

When in Bangkok, I feel Bangkok is more advance than in Malaysia. Their skycrappers are really beautifully designed and their trains are cleaner than in Malaysia. Even their airport is way bigger than our KLIA! And they drive more Toyotas and Hondas as well due to the manufacturing centres of these brands are in Thailand. So, we sat in really nice Toyota taxis! The Thais are friendly too but don't be surprised to be snapped by the sellers when you don't want to buy or you quote for a price which is too low. We experienced a few times already until we feel we need to be thick skin over it. LoL! The Thai women are beautiful, with make-up on and high heels. The transexuals are even more beautiful that you don't know that they are one until they open their mouths. Hahaha.. Besides that, Thai guys are good looking too! Maybe because most of them are metrosexuals.

I can't think of any other thing to summarise Bangkok. I think the trip was quite alright for a getaway. But I got to say this, Bangkok is really hot too! But their malls are really nice. I mean their high-end malls. Way better than Pavillion.

I'm now back to being broke. Got to start saving up again! Gambateh! Wonder what's my next destination then. Hmm...

Foul Mood

2009-04-28T20:01:00.001+08:00

If anybody would notice, I've been in a foul mood these past 2 days. My mood so foul, that my favourite person also can't seem to cheer me up. Adding salt to injury, we had a misunderstanding. Sort of. Oh well, I guess I just need to let things cool down first. Sighs...

[Update: Things did cool down now. Thank God!]

I'm starting to be cynical as I mentioned before and I'm now bored sick! Mundane questions can actually tick me off. So, I chose not to talk to anybody online. In case I cross any lines. And if I'm talking also, I'll stick to minimal replies. Probably that's what made the misunderstanding occurred in the first place – I'm not like my usual self.

Well, I need some interesting interactions. I need some happy activities. I need people to cheer me up rather than I'm always cheering people up. BUT, who the hell will do that for me?

And so, I'm stuck with my foul mood. Foul words seem to go hand in hand with my mood too. I thought of not caring a fuck shit about anything. Well, I can't. I still care a fuck shit about lots of things. Although in foul mood but still care about others. Still controlling my mood. No wonder people thinks that I'm like 24/7 all smiles. Well, guess what, I'm still human lor!

Singapore Getaway

2009-04-27T20:36:00.000+08:00

Last week I was down in Singapore for work. Although I was technically working there, I felt a little bit like a getaway. And I did had quite a good time. I met up with my old school friends as well as an old college mate. During my time there, I've received an unexpected sms. Although at first I was happy to receive it, but I'm now suspecting the real reason behind it. But anyway, I'm not going to let it affect me.

When back to Malaysia, reality starts to hit in. It came with a sadden bomb which I'm also trying to not affect me. I'm actually quite tired with how things are going lately. I'm tired of getting pissed and tired of caring too much. What I'm looking for now is just my own peace. Happiness is something that is unreachable now, even with those who I say are close to me.

I'm going to go for another getaway this weekend. To Bangkok this time! Whether I'll be alive or not later.. we'll see how things go then. LOL! Now I think of it, death is not really that frightening. Is how we will die that creates the fear and curiosity.

I think I'm going to be cynical soon. Whoopeedoo?

Change

2009-04-19T21:46:00.007+08:00

People say things change for a reason. Is it really, for a reason? I've mentioned that I really hate changes. Probably because I for one did not change at all. Now I'm thinking, maybe it is time for me to change. To not be the person who I always am because, somehow it doesn't seem to please anybody.

I'm like a kid who never grows up. So said a friend. Although I can treat that as a joke. But I know there's truth to that. It does displease me to hear that. Displease to know that my maturity in handling things doesn't stand out more than how I projected myself usually.

I have principles, which I myself irked for having them. There are things that I can't stand but yet, not to create any problems I control my emotions. I tried to voice out "the problems that are occurring" but yet, they were dismissed as if they are nothing.

People come to me with problems, I help them to solve. People come to me to complain their stuff, I listen and try to help them. People call me crying on the phone saying how their relationships turned bad, I consoled them. People telling me they are feeling down, I help them to cheer up. People telling me that I am important because I'm always there for them.

And yet, in the end.. I'm being fucked. Some start to drift apart as there are other people that are being placed more important than me. There are also some who put their job first instead of being my friend first. And some, can tell me as if I have some problems with myself - which I don't find anything wrong with myself. And sometimes, friends can be like strangers.

So, is it really I got problem with myself or what? I never was a caring person last time. However, as I get older, I start to appreciate and care for people. I guess because I've shown my soft side too much that many things are affecting me right now. Probably I'm naive too, thinking if I show kindness, I'll get kindness in return too. I don't think it works that way.

As to that, I feel I should change. But question is, will I succeed in changing? Damn!

Shock!

2009-04-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

I almost got a shock of my life! All the while I know something like this will happen. But it really took me off-guard to know that it's happening this soon. I wasn't prepared for it at all. My heart almost popped out! Fortunately, it wasn't the real thing.

However, with what had happened, it really made me think that I should prepare myself for something like this to happen. It shouldn't came like a shock to me. I should be ready to face the change that bound to happen. Things will never ever stay the way it is, no matter how much I want it to be. But, what had happened earlier which could shook me that much, really surprised me. I will never ever expect that my reaction will be of such.

This just shows that I've not forgotten. And to think that the real thing MIGHT just happen some day do worries me. All I'm hoping for is.... when that happens, I won't be so shaken over like I was earlier. I really wouldn't know how to react. I guess, I should start preparing now. But we do know that our mind and heart just don't synchronise no matter how much we want them too.

The torch certainly ain't dimming away that easily... Sighs!

Live Life To The Fullest?

2009-04-05T01:44:00.009+08:00

Life is short

Break the rules

forgive quickly

kiss passionately, love truly

laugh constantly

And never stop smiling

no matter how strange life is

Life is not always the party we expected it to be

but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful

Those words are truly meaningful. Life is certainly short as you wouldn't know when the time will be up for you. People always say to live life to the fullest. But seriously, how do you do that?

If I want to live life to the fullest, I would want to say out whatever that is holding me back without thinking of any consequences. And I just want to be with the people whom I feel most happy and comfortable with, spending the time doing fun things together. However, life just doesn't work that way. There are words that can change things forever which forbids you to say them out. And there are people who are not meant for you to always be with, although you always always have the urge to pick up the phone and call the people out. With this kind of restriction, how do you live life to the fullest, I wonder.

Yes, it is true that we should be grateful that our hearts are still beating and we are still living in this world. But at times, you will wonder for what purpose are you living in this world? What do you plan to achieve and what have you achieved. You will tend to question your existence and how much importance are you to the people around you. You can't help being skeptical in thinking that people only will find you when they need you. People do not really show their appreciation out loud. With that, we don't know how significant we are in this world. For all we know, we could be taken for granted all along.

Putting on a smile and enjoying the world is something we supposed to be living in. However, at times, the heart just felt empty, how do you put on that smile and enjoy life? It is true that life has ups and downs. But what if you have so many downs that it is just so hard to look forward to the ups? I've always put on that smile and just trying to be the person who never grows up because I just want to feel happy with the people around me. Yes, people called me crazy and nuts for doing all the stupid things but.... how else would I need to cheer myself up?

It is easy for people to pour their feelings to me but for me to do so... it's just not so easy. I rather pretend that nothing ever bothers me and move on. Although how much things have change and people start to drift apart, I just pretend that everything is still OK and that I'll be fine. I guess I do follow those meaningful words. Laugh constantly and just keep smiling no matter how crapped life has turned out to be. No matter how many deep feelings that you have kept and protected so that people around you can be at ease with you. And no matter what, you will always always be the sole comforter for everyone. When people told you that they will take care of you, you can't just believe that because no matter what.... at the end of the day, you will be the one taking care of yourself. When people telling you that no matter what, I'll never forget you or our friendship but you just got to be prepared that you will be forgotten along the way.

Yes, life is strange and people living in it made it even stranger. The people who you felt most close can be strangers the next day, you will never know. And those people who you put so much hope on, can just disappoint you some day. So, seriously... how do you live life to the fullest?

Story of a missironic

Jang Geun Suk Rocks!!!

Back Again!

My Rant, My Business!

A "Great" New Year

Dot.Dot.Dot

To A Better Year Ahead!

The You Who I Still Forgive

Not To Be Forgotten

To You Who Devastates Me!

How Can Be As Such?!

Thank You

The Need To Punch!

Sanity Vs Insanity

The Explosion Of Emotions...

What's Next Now?

The Day I Turned Wiser...

Yet Another One Again...

If Only Things Be Simpler...

Jang Geun Suk *hearts*

Just Not Lucky

Change

Moving On...

Sign To Give Up

In A Fury Mode

Is There But Not Quite

Volcanic Period

The Insecurity...

More, More, More!!

It's A Great Day To Remember!

Emo All Of A Sudden...

Empty

Dullness

Where Is My Happy Pill?

Positive Mind

Reality Bites

Arigato!

Lost But Not Quite

Can You Reap What You Sow?

Fun Is Almost Over

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Quickie

Quick Update

After A Rough Tide...

On The Mind...

Happy New Year!

Simple Yet Again...

Simple Christmas

A Quickie Christmas Wish

My Thoughts...

Lost My Voice Again!

The Time I Was In Paris

A Quickie...

The Great Escape

When...

And So...

And You Thought You Know Best

The Problem With Anger

My Top 5 Treat List

Green Eyes Monster

AAR Gives A Rocking Concert

The Day I Saw Lee Min Ho

My Date With Spring

After The Episode

Boiling Moment Despite Being Unwell

A New Silver Lining

Hoo-ha Monday

Where's The Money?

The Day I Chicked Out

The Day I Batted

Patience Probably Pays...

It's Sunday... Crap!

Blessing In Disguise?

A Total Saturday Day Out

After My Break...

I Need A Break!

Nothing Beats Having Good Friends Around You!

Otanjou-bi Omedetou!

Sigh!

Grateful + Happy!

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